i hear the bells.

Back in September/October I went through an almost Lindsay Lohan/Nichole Richie like weight loss. But now, with all this festive food surrounding me, I'm gaining it all back. Ba-humbug.

paint the silence.

Just a thought, but what would happen if you ran into the departure section of an airport, screaming 'HOLY JIHAD! HOLY JIHAD!'?

P.S.: I raped my philosophy exam, w00t w00t.

dizzy up the girl.

Huh. My mom brought up my father today during the O.C.
I didn't really know what to do, so I just carried on like nothing had happened and changed the subject.
Aside from today, she's only ever spoken of him twice over the course of my entire life. All I know about him is that his name was Jose, he was a powerful lawyer, and that he's now dead. He must have died before I was born, or when I was only a few months old as I have no recollection of him. Not even a picture. All our old pictures got left behind in El Salvador. I feel really wierd even thinking about him. Actually, right now, I feel guilty because I never think about him. I never really have. I guess I'm different because I never went through the whole 'where's my daddy?' phase most father-less children go through. It's almost like I feel I'm insulting my mother and critizing her parenting skills for thinking about him and the life we'd have right now if he were alive, which is absurd. She's the strongest person I know, to be able to go through everything that happened to her in El Salvador; and then, decide to take your two kids to a brand new country where you didn't speak the language, know anyone, know the culture, and raise them by yourself. But still, I feel like I'm saying 'you didn't do a good enough job playing both roles, I needed an actual father'. And then I'm faced with my other feeling. The feeling of betrayel. I feel like I'm betraying the memory of my father for forcing myself to not think about him, and that I've done fine without him. Ugh, like I said before, Sigmund Freud would have been very interested in me, had we lived at the same time.

My iPod just played 'Slide' by the Goo Goo Dolls, and then 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon, back-to-back. Talk about blast from the 90s.

And now I'm rambling, so I'll end this. Wish me luck in Philosophy.

still snowed in.

...and the entire island is shut down for a second day in a row.

angels/losing/sleep.

I feel like I've been neglecting this thing, which is a shame because I've kind of grown attached to it.

My exams started last week, and I pretty much raped them all. Now I just have to write my philosophy exam. It was scheduled for today; however, we had a massive storm (15cm of snow last night and crazy-ass winds) so University got cancelled, and it got rescheduled for Friday. We're expecting another 10cm or so of snow tonight, plus another storm over the weekend. Hello winter, it's been a while.

Went to go visit Katie last night. She's doing good...or, as good as anyone in her condition can. She starts chemo this week. Hopefully, these 4 months are going to put an end to it.

And I guess I have nothing else to talk about...

something pretty.

Here I am, where I’ve been
I’ve walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin,
And my clothes are worn & gritty.
And I know ugliness, now show me something pretty.

I was a dumb punk kid with nothing to lose
And too much weight for walking shoes.
I could have died from being boring.
As for loneliness,
She greets me every morning.

At the most I’m a glare,
I’m the hopeless son who’s hardly there.
I’m the open sign that’s always busted.
I’m the friend you need, but can’t be trusted.

At the most I’m a glare,
I’m the hopeless son who’s hardly there.
I’m the open sign that’s always busted.
I’m the friend you need, but can’t be trusted.

cancer.

oh my shit.
oh my fucking shit.
OH MY FUCKING SHIT!

...i don't even know what to type right now.

oh, inverted world.

Sigh. I miss my iPod *emo tear*
I broke it, but because I'm clever I called up Apple and told them what was wrong, but carefully omitted that I caused the damage. So now I have to wait to get my new one. Sigh. Listening to music on a computer is so old school.

black hole.

For those of you who are unaware, I work at a children's afterschool program, and as we all know, kids says the darndest things, hence the following. I was walking around, making sure no one was killing each other, when I stumbled across Skyler, a 9 year old girl. She was pretending to be talking on the telephone, and I overheard her say: "I'm only wearing a thong." Uh huh...

P.S.: Anyone find it ironic that I'm helping a friend of a friend of mine, go out with some chick, when I can't even find anyone to date myself?

east timor.

Yes! Finished of my classes until January :D
All but one of them was a total waste of my time, but oh well.
I wanted to go out and celebrate, but my boss wanted us to go to her house for supper after work. So when I got home, it was too late to do anything, but too early to go to sleep; so instead I played Super Mario Bros 3 on the original Nintendo for an obscene amount of time. Oh yeah, I'm xhardcorex.

dear god.

What language do you speak? if you speak at all,
Are you some kind of freak, who lives to raise the ones who fall?
And would you tell me why, the cat fights the dog?
Do you go to the Mosque, or the Synagogue?

And if our fates have all been wrapped around your finger
And if you wrote the script, then why the trouble-makers?

How do you do?
How does it feel to be so high?
And are you happy? Do you ever cry?
You've made mistakes, well that's ok cause we all have
And if I forgive yours, will you forgive mine?

Hey do you feel our pain, and walk in our shoes?
Have you ever felt starved, or is your belly always full?
How many people die, and hurt in your name?
And does that make you proud or, does it bring you shame?

And if our fates have all been wrapped around your finger
And if you wrote the script, then why the trouble-makers?

How do you do?
How does it feel to be so high?
And are you happy? Do you ever cry?
You've made mistakes, well that's ok cause we all have
And if I forgive yours, will you forgive mine?

ain't it funny.

coming up with a clear, concise ending to a paper that: is inchorent, lacks any sort of argument, merely elaborates on whatever the text book says, uses bogus sources, is shorter than the minimum required length, and has no real topic/thesis statement is always a party. on the bright side, i couldn't give half a hoot as to what happens to this 9 page-turned-6 page philosophy paper from hell. now i'm off to work on my journals and then bask in the knowledge that i am done of assignments until january. this is a short lived triumph of course, since i'll soon come crashing back down to reality when i realize my exams aren't as far off as i'd like them to be.

no.

I'm currently swamped with work because I'm a lazy bumhole who leaves everything until the last possible minute. Luckily, once Thursday rolls around I'll be done of everything (minus exams) until January when 2nd semester commences. Anyway, since I really should be getting back to work on my papers, journals, and readings, I shall leave you with this:

No:
No, no intentes disculparte
No juegues a insistir
Las excusas ya existían antes de ti

No, no me mires como antes
No hables en plural
La retórica es tu arma más letal

Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas más
Siento que me duelas todavía aquí
Adentro

Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazón a alguien así

No se puede vivir con tanto veneno,
La esperanza que me da tu amor
No me la dio más nadie,
Te juro, no miento

No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa más la rabia que el cemento

Espero que no esperes que te espere
Después de mis 26
La paciencia se me ha ido hasta los pies

Y voy deshojando margaritas
Y mirando sin mirar
Para ver si así, te irritas y te vas

pinch me.

It's been a few days since my last "real" update, so I suppose I should give one. Except, I have nothing of importance to say. Nothing overtly exciting has happened. Did my theatre class monologue/final exam tonight. We had a decent crowd. My stupid sword got stuck in its seeth at first which was embarrassing. Luckily I made up for it by scaring everyone with my butter knife turned dagger.

I saw Rent today. I won't go into detail, but let's just say it's groteskly overrated.

I think the bank has been stealing money from me. I went to the ATM today to deposit my paycheque and I had a bit less than I should have had. I am not impressed. I shall not rest until I have acquired the last of the funds owed to me. PC Financial picked the wrong person to embezzle money from.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a 9 page philosophy paper due on Thursday which I have not started, infact I still haven't even chosen my subject :S I would ask for an extension but I don't think the Prof likes me since I've fallen asleep in that class on more than 1 occasion. That same day I have 25 journal entries to pass in, and I still haven't written a single one. I wonder if they make a pill for procrastination?

Oh, and I got the lead in 7 Stories. It hits the Confed. Centre stage in March, so if you can go see it I suggest you do.

the seagull.

"oh _____, it hurts to live..."

i think from now on, i'm going to go with "no comment" as it seems to be the best answer to every situation. aside from that, i've realized most of my blog updates are cryptic and make very little sense to those who are not a member of my psyche. i think if freud were still alive he'd be fascinated with me. or not. that's the problem. you should never sympathize with somebody, because most of the time they would prefer to be tragically misunderstood. it's a flaw of our species, we always want to feel special and unique, but in reality, one billion other people out there are feeling the same way.

speak slow.

"because losing your security deposit is always a party."

someone, somewhere out there, sent me an email today. it said some things that were some of the nicest things i've ever read, and for this i want to thank you. i will be sending a reply as soon as i can write a proper one.

beverly hills.

sometimes i get this feeling deep inside me. like a flower trying to bloom. or a perfect drop of dew on a blade of grass.
i have no idea what this feeling represents. yet, i do. i always have.
p.s.: i've decided that when i get a dog, it'll be a chinese shar-pei.

lysistrata.

Holy wow. After quite the tumultuous week, I took a dear friends advice and decided to relax and unwind. Boy did I ever unwind.

Pretty sure Diana Love is the absolute shit. We got so smashed last night. I should really drink with her more often. But let me backtrack a bit first.

This past week:
School literally ate me alive, and then spit me back out - covered in saliva and panic-stricken. And it looks like this upcoming week will be a rerun of last. Oh joy. After much confusion and a long backstory which I do not wish to disclose, I finally got to see Harry Potter Thursday night, thanks to my hero Kristen. And finally, Lysistrata went magically sexually. To all of you who didn't get to see it, you suck. Haha, luckily, Ashley managed to pull some strings and got it professionally filmed, so we're getting it on DVD; if you didn't go see it I can lend it to you. You can see me next March during the theatre festival at the Confed Center performing in "7 Stories".

And now for my drunken shenanigans. Diana is a pure riot; we kept singing Gold Digger all night, except we didn't know all the words, so it was really disjointed and we just kept repeating the chorus because it was the only thing we actually knew. We then tried having a serious conversation about a dead comedian named Lenny something, the use of the N-word, and the use of the word Bitch. Oh, and her blueberry pie was delicious. Rather than use a fork, pretty sure I raped it with my spoon. Now let's see... Last night I drank: 2 and a half coors light, shots of a german drink which I won't even attempt to spell, 2 large glasses, chugged, of something that Jeff gave me, and then 1 and a half Bacardi Breezers, which, by the way, are now my drink of choice, they were scrumptious. I was tipsy after the second Coors, and well on my way to being drunk after I chugged the 1st breezer; I'm such a cheap drunk. If you thought normal parties were fun, parties filled with 2nd, 3rd, and 4th years, and you being the youngest and only 1st year, are the absolute best. I even had fake ID and everything to get into Myrons - although that's a different story for another time. And though my night got cut a little short, it was still awesome. When I left I hugged as many people as I could, except I distinctly remember hugging Derek like 5 times because I couldn't remember who I had hugged or not, so I just hugged everyone in sight. Oh, and I vaguely remember shouting Seinfeld quotes at him since he's the only who gets them. I also vaguely remember trying to explain to Vaughn what a micky was since he had it confused with something else. The only regret I have is not being able to use my secret power that I didn't even know existed until Tuesday night. Oh well.

I think I'm going to have to cherish that night since my school load makes me think the next time I'll be allowed outside will be when I'm 30. Here's the breakdown: 3 big papers to write, 2 books to read, a monologue to memorize, 25 journal entries to write, 2 classes to figure out what's going on in, and then study for finals. And I only have 9 more days of classes. I'm dead.

patio.

clingy is one thing, but a lying backstabber is another.
in the words of harry potter "you're a right git...stay away from me"

babar.

so i've pretty much gone and shot myself in the foot. i rule.

intervention.

I got to save my baby
Because she makes me cry
I got to make her happy
I got to teach her how to fly
I want to take her higher
Way up like a bird in the sky
I got to calm her down now
I want to save her life

And I know that love
Will change us forever
And I know that love
Will keep us together
And I know, I know
There is nothing to fear
And I know that love
Will take us away from here

Sometimes it's such a pleasure
Sometimes I wanna tear it all down
It's easy to be lazy
And hard to go away from the crowd

I know the road looks lonely
But that's just Satan's game
And either way my baby
We'll never be the same

And I know that love
Will change us forever
And I know that love will keep us together
And I know, I know
There is nothing to fear
And I know that love
Will take us away from here

In the blink of an eye everything could change
Say hello to your life now your living
This is it from now on
It's a brand new day
It was time to wake up from this dream (from this dream)

I know the road looks lonely
But that's just Satan's game
And either way my baby
You'll never be the same
And I know that love
Will change us forever
And I know that love will keep us together

And I know, I know
There is nothing to fear
And I know that love
Will take us away from here

everything burns.

i feel like a giddy little school girl. i smile everytime i hear that name. nothing will ever happen in this lifetime, but still i smile. le sigh.
i need to find someone tangible for once.

more ga.

"because sometimes being in the dark is better. even though it's filled with fear, it's also filled with hope"

grey's anatomy.

"because denial isn't just a river in egypt, it's a whole freakin' ocean. so what are you to do to keep from drowning in it?"

bucky done gun.

wow, long time no post.

my first month of university was eventful. frosh week was awesome (at least what i went to was). i thought it was going to be a major lamer fest, and it was, but a fun one none the less. my classes are going pretty good too. i have a ton of notes i need to recopy for religious studies because my penmanship is terrible, not to mention my religious studies test coming up next week. plus i have a 4 page theatre assignment that needs to be done, and i have to start work on my term paper for english, plus the extra paper that's due in a week on top of that. philosophy is going good, i was really confused for the first part, but then i actually sat down, book in one hand and a dictionary in the other and now i think i grasp what goes on in that class. i should also mention that i made the cast for lysistrata as the cheif of the spartian people. but yeah, school is going decent enough

my new job at kid connections is the shit.
there are only a few problem children so it's pretty good. for the most part the kids take care of themselves and us 4 full time staff, and 3 junior staff just sit around and laugh all day. i definitely don't miss working for readers digest.

i must admit though, i thought university would be different than high school, clique wise. and i guess it has changed a bit, a lot of the cliques lost members but for the most part they still stick together. i'm hoping it's just for now though since we just started and don't know everyone yet. i guess i'm making friends though. i do, however, miss some people -- both at the gray and at other educational institutions.

oh, and just for the record, the bus system here is a joke.

the future freaks me out.

I'm on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move. Check it out I'm rocking steady. GO!

stunned.

my sister's in bc right now and the other day it was raining. she was driving, hydroplaned, left the highway and almost drove off a cliff to her death. luckily she hit one of the rail guards and nothing serious happened to her. i don't even want to think about what would have happened had that rail guard not been there.

le sigh.

it's sad not having any friends.
boo, i hate being emo.

a death.

Please, let's all bow our heads in sorrow......................

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap,and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, then great; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

for shame!

there's this kid outside in our backyard crying, and my mom's watching him from the kitchen and laughing at the faces he's making. makes you wonder how i managed to turn out the way i did.

root canals!

i feel like i wouldn't like me if i met me.
and i feel like you wouldn't like if you met me.

mood: numb from the surgeory.

noots.

well, here i am. updating my livejournal blogger. you people keep asking me to, so i am. comments are always nice.

anyways, this past summer has been el sucko. i've seen about 2% of everyone. 9 + 1 people have left, and i saw none of them before they did, which sucks even more. and on top of that i had major issues with my student loan, community service bursary and getting a job. i quit wendy's back in march and needed something new for the summer and had certain, shall we say, difficulties finding one? at any rate i wound up at resolve; a readers digest call centre, good times (i'm also being sarcastic).

everything's okay now though. i'm leaving resolve next week. i have a new job all lined up which i know i'm going to love. plus the hours are amazing so i might be able to squeeze a second job in for extra money (online support, shawnte? haha). once i have university all paid for i'm going to have anywhere's from 3 to 6 grand left over, so i'm not going to go broke from getting an iBook! yay :) (although that's a completely different fiasco unto itself, but for some other time i think). plus, my sister isn't moving away to alabama! i know it sounds selfish but i really didn't want to see her leave. yes, things seem to be going peachy right now. my biggest challange is sticking it out at resolve for an extra week.

i'm excited for university to start. i can't wait to get this next chapter of my life started. and i think i know what i'm going to be doing too! if i like english and decide i want to continue along the path of teaching, then i'll stick with majoring in english and minor in theatre so i can be a teacher. if it turns out it's not what it's cracked up to be, i'll major in philosophy and minor in theatre. in any case, i'm moving to either montreal or toronto at the end of my studies to either break into teaching or the toronto/montreal film festival (which is pretty hard but courtney and i have a plan).

speaking of university, here are my courses:
semester one:
english 101 - m, w & f 9:30 to 10:20
philosophy 101 - m, w & f 11:30 to 12:20
religious studies 101 - m & w 1:30 to 2:45
english 244 (theatre) - t & th 11:30 to 12:45

semester two:
english 192 - m & w 1:30 to 2:45
english 202 (theatre) - m, w & f 10:30 to 11:20
philosophy 111 - m, w & f 9:30 to 10:20
religious studies 102 - t & th 10:00 to 11:15

plus i'll be taking a political studies course during summer sessions.

anywho, i'm going to bed, night night.

mood: sleepy
music: death cab - title and registration

secret...

Psst, want to know where the real party is? It's over here.