gimme more.

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Go Team Britney!

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hunting for witches.

First of all, I want to make it clear that I'm not in an emo mood.
I'm not sad or depressed or anything.
Rather, I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically - although I think the fact that it's after 2 may have an effect on the physical.

I've been here in Calgary for closing in on 4 months now, and I think not having any friends is finally getting to me. I used to be emo and depressed over it, but I'm not anymore. Now it's just getting to me. 4 months without any friends. Slowly going crazy am I. I'm longing for some kind of human interaction that isn't there anymore. I'm longing for long nights and listless days spent with people; however, I've slowly come to the realization that it's not to be. For the time being at least. Gah, this is killing me from the inside out. What's the point of being in the middle of an "exciting new era in your life" when you have no one to share it with and make memories with? They say that college years are the best years in your life, and for me they have been, but these past 3 and a half months have been long and hard without people to share in the thrill with me. Everything I do and everything I listen to; everything I watch and everything I think reminds me of other times, and those are the only things I have to cling to anymore. Memories of past times and illusions of times that have never been are all I have to keep me company.

I repeat, I'm not in one of my (frequent) emo or depressed moods, but I am starting to get fed up with this situation. I know in the long run having moved away will have been a good decision, but for now all I can think about is how different these past 3 and a half months could have been if I remained in the company of those I miss. Actually, it's not that I even miss my own friends, but I just miss friends in general. Ugh. I know I'm going to meet people in the future, but for the here and now, I have no one.

Completely. Fed. Up.

like eating glass.

I've been looking around on Wikipedia and just the internet in general about Bloc Party and their songs. Looking into the lyrics and what the songs are about. I've come to the conclusion that I really like the Bloc Party.

I also talked to my manager at AE and everything is now worked out. Whew.

dance floor anthem

Working in an environment such as American Eagle it's important to have a float in your till before the start of the day, properly stocked with enough bills and coins to provide customers paying with cash the adequate amount of change. Whenever we don't have enough coins to give out, the manager on duty counts out $350 in bills, places them inside a pencil case, which is then placed inside a small AE shopping bag. This bag is given to one of the employees so that we can go over to the BMO across the way and exchange said bills for coins.

Our tale begins last Friday, the 17th of August when I was the employee whose responsibility it was to go to the bank for some coins. When I arrived at BMO and spoke with the teller I handed her the pencil case, which until this point had remained untouched since it was placed inside the shopping bag. The teller then informed me that instead of the $350 worth of coins we were requesting, we had only supplied her with $270 in bills. For those who have difficulties with numbers that's $80 that should have been there, that wasn't. I told the teller to just give us the amount of coins she could for the bills we had and when I returned to American Eagle I told Sarah, the assistant manager, that the teller found a discrepancy between what we should have had and what we actually had. Sarah double checked the tills to make sure that she had taken out $350 and not $270. Her numbers added up and we were left wondering what had happened to the $80. My shift ended without further mention of the incident.

I returned to work yesterday after 4 days off. I heard nothing of anything at the time. Today, I went back to work and discovered something. Sarah, the foolish, silly girl who can't get her own life together and somehow wound up being an assistant manager at AE, was accusing me of theft behind my back. During my time off people had been talking about me behind my back because of the missing money. I heard that 3/4 of the staff thought I was innocent, and that the store manager didn't think I would do something like that, but that it was interesting. The fact that I gave my letter of resignation that same day also, undoubtedly places the blame on me. As if I'm going to get very far in life on $80. The manager's actions are damaging to my reputation and a clear defamation of my character. Be that as it may, the point remains this:

A) I am not angry about being accused, rather, I am incredibly hurt. I would have hoped that after 4 months of working there my fellow coworkers would have opened their eyes up a bit more to see my character and the type of person I am. I may be a lot of things, some good and some bad, but I am not a thief. I don't steal. Period.

B) No one had the balls to come up and ask me. People instead chose to talks amongst themselves behind my back. Managers flat out accused me without knowing. No one had the decency to come up and ask me what had happened. People chose to come to their own conclusion, throwing simple things like the "truth" and their own experience with me and the person I am, out the window.

I said above I wasn't angry, and I'm not. If in the future they find out what happened to cause the shift in monies they don't need to seek me out because I already forgive them for accusing me. I'm merely hurt that after a handful of months they still don't know who I am.

I'm going to talk to the store manager tonight. Since I'm not on the schedule next week, tomorrow is my last shift and I don't want to leave this job without addressing the issue. Perhaps when I address it directly, then people will see that they have poor judgement of character.

d.a.n.c.e

On a separate note, I need new clothes.

i hear music.

I got a haircut today, huzzah!
I also gave AE my two weeks notice. I get so much more money from Moxie's, plus that store was a veritable gong show.
I had a very revealing conversation with my hairdresser today. I think I know what direction I want my life to go in. I don't know precisely what I'll be doing, or what I want to, but I have direction and a final goal with several mini goals along the way. What these things are you'll just have to wait until the next blog post. I've got to entice you, my readers, to keep coming back.

floorplan.

"There are two kinds of secrets.
Those we keep from others, and those we keep from ourselves."
-Frank

PostSecret video

hop a plane.

I got a promotion at work. Apparently Moxie's is under the impression that I'm a hard worker. Don't know who told them that because it sure wasn't me, hahaha. I got moved up from a host to a server. Huzzah!

changes are no good.

Current conditions in Calgary:
12°C, cloudy with showers.

The weather outside reflects the mood within.

bamboo banger.

For the past 3 years my life has been constantly filled with theatre (although technically, we can add another 2 years if you include Carousel and the ill-fated Krauskopf flop production of the Ugly Duckling). Starting with Seussical in grade 12, followed by Lysistrata in my first year, and then Seven Stories, and then Heartbreak House, and then Deathtrap, and then The Tempest, followed by School for Scandal and finally the random night of one acts. I've had at most a month between productions, with most of them overlapping with each other. However, since the night of one acts in February I haven't done anything. I've been here in Calgary for 3 months and I obviously haven't done anything with theatre, nor do I have anything coming up. It's funny because back in PEI I decided I wouldn't do anymore theatre stuff because, let's face it, I kind of suck at it. No sense wasting my time on something I have no talent for. But, in all honesty, it feels kind of weird not having a part of my schedule devoted to rehearsals or shows.

stranger.

It's the month of August already.
When did that happen?