nine crimes.

It's happening. Slowly but surely.
I've been given the opportunity that I've been longing for all my life.
The opportunity to create a new version of me - a better me. So I'm going to take it.
I'm becoming a different person. Not a different person. But I think you know what I mean.
I'm somewhere where no one knows my name. I can be anything I want.
I am, how do you say it? Stoked.


...but still. a part of me hates that i'm separated from those i care about.
i wish i could have both all at once.

7/4 (shoreline)

mack the knife.

Is it wrong I'm getting excited for Christmas? Not so much the day, but just the season. Today was the 25th. Errr, yesterday was the 25th. That means we're over the hump. It's now less than 6 months until Christmas. Giddy up.

mi swing es tropical.

Have you ever noticed that when things are going great you're ten-feet tall, completely in control and bulletproof? But then, all of a sudden, all that perfection, all that beautiful control, just falls to crap. No one likes to lose control, it's almost like it's a sign of weakness. And still there are times when it just gets away from you, when the world stops spinning. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to free-falling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you. I think this past year really proved to me that when you free-fall and for some reason or another, your family isn't there, then your friends really do step in and step up. I can't describe how sad and lonely and lost I feel without them.

ruby.

So this is my update. I promise I will never do that to my blog again. Clearly I have too many readers who miss reading about me, hahahaha. More updates are in store, cross my scarf and hope to fly.

So yes. I've moved. I no longer live in Prince Edward Island. I've been here in Calgary since May 8th. I left PEI and drove across the country with my family. It was actually kind of nice. Big surprise, eh? Tensions were very high the week they arrived in Charlottetown and before we left, but the actual trip was nice. It turns out we can actually behave like a normal family when we have no other choice. Traveling across the country was cool. It's weird to think there are entire countries out there smaller than some of our provinces. I can understand why Canada is considered a country of natural beauty, and I think my own Canadian pride may have inched a little higher after seeing the landscape in our backyard.

Calgary has been alright. I'm working at American Eagle Outfitters. It's pretty funny because the mall I work at (which is about 10 minutes away from our house, so that's nice) is considered a "dinky, pathetic" mall by most Calgarians. However, it's about 4 times bigger than the Charlottetown mall with that many more stores, a real food court, and a glass elevator that takes you to the upper floors. I haven't been to the biggest mall in Calgary yet, but I figure I should conquer the smaller ones first. Learn to walk before you run, and all that other cliched crap.

In reality, I haven't seen much of the city at all. The skyline is fantastic, and I take every chance I get to check it out. Being the first skyline I've ever seen I've become rather attached to it already. As for the actual city though, I haven't been to many things. The Calgary Zoo I think pretty much sums it up. Stephan Avenue/7th Ave (aka a massive, skyscraper dominated Victoria Row) is pretty much all I ever go to. There's a lot more to the city though that I haven't had to chance to see but I want to. The Glenbow Museum, all the other malls, Eau Claire Market, Prince's Island Park, the Saddledome, Calgary Tower and 17th Ave (aka party street) are all on my to-do list. Along with you :P Hehe.

So yeah. I've been here a month now. My job is only part time so I'm planning on getting another one. The only thing is that a lot of the jobs I've seen are jobs I don't want. I don't care that Tim Horton's pays $14 an hour, I refuse to do Fast food. TELUS Mobility pays around $20 an hour, but call centre's are no longer for me. Finding a decent job is proving to be annoying. Most of the places I apply at turn out to be super dodgy because I don't know anything about them (IE Bootlegger's Restaurant, which should be the location for Sketch Fest '07). What's the point in getting offered high paying jobs if I'm going to get stabbed at work? Okay, that's an exaggeration but still.

So working part time is what I'm doing now. That leaves me with a lot of extra time on my hands. It sucks because AE gives me part time so I can enjoy my summer, but I have no one to enjoy it with. This presents a problem. You see, when I first got here I wasn't wowed or caught up in Calgary. I wanted to go home. I missed everyone and everything. I was having dreams where I walked across the country just to go back home and be with people I missed. After a week or so I started to adjust. I was fine for a month. But then I started to get home sick. After realizing it was a month since I saw a familiar face, and with school not starting for several months and therefore my chance of making friends several months away, I got really homesick. I started thinking I wanted to go back home in the fall. Ironic that in the middle of my homesickness I got my final acceptance to the University of Calgary with every single one of my courses transferring over. Even the dreaded Biology, hahahaha. I don't think I'll be going home though. Thinking about my two possible futures, one where I finish school at UPEI seems more fun, with more experiences, more friends, more life learning. One where I stayed at the U of C seemed dull, drab, and restricting. Absolute freedom vs. being a stranger. Being with people I cared about and who genuinely cared about me vs. being a stranger. It seems pretty masochistic, and it is. But here's the thing. I can't go back. It's like giving up. I've never liked PEI. The people? Hell yes. There are so many people there I miss immensely and care about to an Nth degree, but the physical place was restricting. While it'll always have a place in my heart I can't give up this battle. Moving hasn't been a simple "here we go." It's been hard and saddening, but it'd be harder to go back knowing I walked away. People have told me that it's only for school and that moving away after I get a degree is pretty common, but I've crossed the line. What if after every decision we made we went running back across the line to safety? There's safety in numbers, but the thing about crossing the line is that once you do, it's virtually impossible to return - to go back.

For me, I don't plan on staying in Calgary. I don't plan on living my life here - far from it, actually. I consider this a test and a stepping stone. A test to see if I can do it. If I can disassociate myself from those I surround myself with and immerse myself in another place, city and town, and manage to come out on the winning end. It's also a stepping stone so that it becomes easier later in life. Easier to move, easier to adjust, easier to meet people. We'll see what becomes of this.

jarhand.

NEW POST COMING SOON!