Monday, March 26, 2007

boulevard of broken dreams.

I'm so addicted to Smallville it's not even funny.
I finally got caught up on the 6 episodes I was behind on.
Holy crap. I don't think I've ever seen a better episode of that show than "Promise."
It was the stuff Grey's Anatomy episodes are made of (IE, the good stuff)
Although I'm not really feeling the direction Grey's is taking. I miss the second season.

It feels weird looking back on your life. Seeing things and people that were once important, integral parts of your life slide into the scope of nothingness. Completely obsolete; now replaced with other things. Seeing how things used to be is hard because you have to come face-to-face with the realization that nothing is forever. Except maybe Herpes. You have to accept that things change and people change. In the quiet, in the stillness, we're able to escape back in time, but that's merely escapism and not reality. I guess you could always avoid the disillusion of reality by chasing down every other temporary high, but aren't those just fleeting glimpses of happiness? I guess we can't truly be happy until we learn to accept our own susceptibility to evolution of character, and lack of immortality. Things change, seasons come and go, people change, people die out. We need to learn that nothing can last, least of all situations. Once we realize that I think we're finally able to appreciate the moments we live. In certain moments we feel infinite, but we aren't, and least of all the moment isn't infinite. We all move forward, but towards what? Death? Life? Some kind of revelation about the true nature of humans? About the nature of God? We go through life, experiencing pitfalls and euphoria, we trudge along the path of time calling it "progress" but what are we really progressing to? Does anyone really know?

Things change. We can't hold on to them forever. What was once "cool" becomes "hot" what we classify as "in" then becomes "far out" and things continue to interchange their titles, coming back and then making their exit, just to hide in the wings before reappearing. Are the Pussycat Dolls always going to be popular? Are iPods always going to be cool? Other things come along and steal their title, and then they fade as well, just like our lives from year to year. People always make observations about how other people have changed from what they used to be, but what does it mean when we can observe this change in ourselves? Does it mean we've changed so much we can't even recognize ourselves and are forced to compare ourselves to the fragments we used to be? Or is it simply a sign of maturity, stepping in and allowing us to observe things from a different perspective? Whatever it is, I know I've changed, even just from this time last year. The things that were once at the centre of my universe have been sucked into blackholes. Will they ever come back? No one knows the nature of blackholes, so I guess only time knows. How ironic that what takes and changes, is the only thing that will show you what comes back. The culprit for our evolution of self is the only thing that can also allow us return to what, where and how we used to be. I'll miss these moments, but I know more will come. Does that make my a cynic or a realist? Does accepting these truths take anymore away from what we go through. Knowing that things are not going to last long and will ultimately fade into the dark side of our memories is perhaps both the greatest weapon for survival and the greatest source of sadness humans possess.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

welcome to the black parade.

Oh hi. Hi there.

It's bitter:sweet, and so much has yet to be done.
How do I say it?
When is even a good time to say it?
This, too, shall pass. I suppose.
For now though, I'm still here.
And I'll always be there.
Please Don't Forget.

I spend too much time on Wikipedia

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

beautiful liar.

That's it.
I'm shaving my head.
Maybe not shave shaved, but short to a degree.
And I'm going to max out every dollar I have on clothes that are semi-fashionable.
Screw paying bills and eating. I need a new look.
Plus who really needs to eat? I think I gained like 12 pounds today from it. Ugh.
Hitting up the gym Friday and Saturday morning say wha?

If s-s-sexy never left then why's everyone on my sh-sh-shit?
Don't hate on me just because you didn't come up with it-t-t

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

jesus freak.

I'm going to rant for a minute here, instead of working on my paper which is due tomorrow.

The Gideons were handing out Bibles in the student centre today (for the record, they changed the cover from the one they gave out in the 4th grade, it's now yellow). I guess it's been a while since a lot of people touched a Bible, let alone thought about God so there seemed to be quite an upheaval of commotion concerning this. I get it. Some people don't believe, some people choose to believe in different things, but it doesn't matter. Sheesh. These people are taking time out of their day to try and help you for what they deem to be the greater good. They don't know you, yet according to their system of beliefs they want to share God and Jesus with you. But what kind of reaction do they get? Goodness. You'd think that they were telling people to empty out their bank accounts for them. If you're not interested in recieving a free Bible then how hard is it to say "no thank you"? If you're not going to happily accept a gift, then don't do it. Comments like "ah! it's burning in my hand" are needless and completely ignorant. On top of that, taking one when you don't want one and then tearing it up and throwing it out is completely unnecessary. I may be a little biased since I grew up in a religious home and have developed my own ideas and opinion of God (we won't get into organized religion though as I have more than a few beefs with it), but how hard is it to excercise manners in a situation like this? It's like when the Jehovah's witnesses come to your door. You just tell them you're not interested and they leave. When was the last time you heard about someone reluctantly inviting them in and then bashing their heads in with a bat? Honestly, that's the equivalent of being snappy and snarky to the Gideons (or any other volunteer pamphlet-hander-outer for that matter). If you don't want one, then fine, say so. Being rude about it afterwards like someone has asked you to commit crimes against humanity is ludacris.

Monday, March 12, 2007

blackened blue eyes.

I snagged an instrumental version of Nelly Furtado's Say It Right tonight.
It was always my favourite track off Loose, but the more I listen to it, the more I acknowledge that it may be my favourite from her overall, replacing Fresh Off the Boat.
The production to the song is incredible.
The raw bass sound of the synths, the haunting "Hey! You don't mean nothing at all to me" that Timbaland chants in the background, the electric guitar that comes out of nowhere at the very end. I thoroughly approve of the song.
On another musical side note, Hips Don't Lie surpassed a playcount of 250 spins today. Ugh.

Also, I wrote a research paper last week on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. I argued that the social norms and etiquette that were prevalent in the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries are reflected in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, yet at the same time the novel allows us to look at our own society and see how far we’ve advanced and progressed since the days of the original Grimm renditions of Cinderella and other tales. Anyway, today I wrote a critical paper psychoanalyzing Tom Riddle (aka Lord Voldemort) from the books. I should also note that the other month I wrote another critical paper examining Hermoine and her role in feminsim. I should just major in Harry Potter, really. Anyway, below you'll find my psychoanalysis of Voldemort. It's been passed in already but any additional feedback would be swell.


J.K. Rowling developed a world where many children and adults alike escape into; forgetting about their own lives, and choosing instead to live in the magical world she invented. One of the primary characters in the best-selling series, and the main instigator of all things evil that occur in Harry's world of magic, is Tom Riddle, otherwise known as Lord Voldemort. Voldemort is an interesting character as he is the axis of evil within Harry's universe and is malicious to a tee. Growing up without any kind of family, Tom Riddle transformed himself into one of the most instantly recognizable and feared wizards in both literature and the magical world J.K. has created. Yet, Voldemort's desires of domination and life-long journey into immortality represent the repressed desires and mental anguish brought on by the onset and absence of said family.

Throughout the course of the book series, details of Voldemort's life are revealed and it is made known to the reader that his only remaining relative, his mother, passed away shortly after giving birth. Growing up without any sort of parental figures in his life, Tom appears to have become "stuck" or fixated in the oral stage of Freud's theories. This oral stage is described as being one where a person is "forever wanting to suck, to consume, to take in, endlessly hungry and needy" (A Glossary of Freudian Terms, Craig Chalquist). Freud described the oral character as being the first of the psychosexual development phases, from birth to roughly 8 months. Freud further states that family conflict can cause a person to become fixated with a certain stage; it is therefore appropriate that Tom Riddle be stuck at this stage since from birth onward he has not known any family. Tom Riddle is clearly seen as a character of greed, and constantly wanting to consume and take-in as evidenced by his desire to draw people to him, constantly seeking power and minions to do his bidding as demonstrated by his use of, and creation of, the Death Eaters. He is shown as being an individual who desires power and control above all else, relentlessly seeking these things and exerting his power and influence over people.

Furthermore, Tom Riddle, having experienced the death of his mother at the earliest stage of life, is shown as having thanatophobia. According to Freud and his students, Thanatos is a state in which one subconsciously wants to return to a lifeless form. Tom Riddle having been exposed to death at a crucial stage in his life has a deep-rooted fear of dieing because of this. He goes so far as to make himself immortal through the use of Horcruxes and other magical elements such as the Elixir of Life and the Philosopher’s Stone in order to prevent facing his own death. Voldemort further fears death above all things, and in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, it is revealed that Voldemort considers death to be the worst form of punishment, further implying his deep fear and hatred for mortality, a possible consequence of having his own mother die.

Tom Riddle is an interesting character as he serves as the central diabolical figure in the series. He is both feared and hated, yet looking below the surface of Tom’s own powers and desires, it becomes evident that he is merely the result of the direct loss of his mother at an early age. His hatred, greed and quest for immortality are a result of him acting out his subconscious desires and fears.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

lovers who uncover.

I updated my Livejournal today, so I figured I would copy and paste it into my blog, for your convenience.

"Hello people of the internets! It's been some time since I last conveyed any kind of public message and/or statement via Livejournal to you all. My apologies.

Since we last left off on the saga and poorly scripted event known as my life, things weren't looking so good for the main character (aka me). Things have now gotten progressively better. Hoorah! That's a good thing since I don't think my journal could have taken any more emo posts.

I'm still working at Resolve, which is still the worst place on Earth, but I'm surviving and dealing I suppose. I'm still at the library as well. It's a little on the slow and boring, but I make it through. I also managed to get everything the government owed to me. On top of that, they threw in a grant for $1000 in an effort to say sorry for screwing everything up as only the government can. That was nice of them. Anyway, school is also going phenomenally better this semester than last. Although I don't think I had much of a choice, since I don't think I could have sunk even lower on the ladder of academic standing without getting kicked out of UPEI. And who authentically gets kicked out of UPEI? Seriously. They'll take almost anyone. Getting kicked out would not have bode well for the confidence, I'll tell you that much.

Aside from that I've been hanging out, chilling out, and enjoying my time on the Island. I was going to be a hermit this semester and not do anything except work and school, but I decided spending time with friends did equate some level of importance in my life. Why you ask? Well, in case you didn't know (and very few do), I'm going out West. On the 30 of April the fam is coming over, and then over the course of the following few days we'll be chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool, perhaps even shoot some b-ball outside a school. Then we're driving across the country. Driving some twenty-three million miles in a confined space with my family. Can someone volunteer right now to either post bail for me, or at least attend my funeral? Oi Vey."

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

girlfriend.

In the one week after buying Avril Lavigne's new single Girlfriend, I've listened to it 63 times.
New obsession say wha?
Easy hattah's, I like the girl, regardless of how "poorly" it reflects on my musical taste.

Monday, March 05, 2007

crystal ball.

At this moment, in this instant, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Who knew a little piece of paper could be worth so much in terms of relief?

On a side note, why does no one use my shoutbox? It's so lonely. People should use it lest it becomes an emo shoutbox.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

glamorous.

Now that I've given Facebook up for Lent I have all this free time on my hands.
I suppose I should put that extra time into my research paper.
When I'm bored and have nothing else to do (aka tomorrow), I'll update this with everything I promised I would.
Plus, I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog and creating a new URL for it. I'm tired of reneortiz.blogspot.com as it doesn't do much for privacy, plus "soul meets body" is getting tiring to look at. Any suggestions?



If you ain't got no money, take yo broke ass home