flux.

So....two thousand and seven has a measly 1,430 minutes left before it wheezes its last breath and is erased from our memories. Typically, at the end of every calendar year people tend to make empty promises to themselves in the hopes that they'll follow through with them and improve their lives. Sometimes people even tell others these promises, in an effort to force themselves into keeping them. So, without further ado I will give you my own resolutions for two thousand and eight. I only have 2, one of which is a vague and abstract choice, while the other is not.

1. To finally become the person I wish to become.
2. From a financial standpoint, to actually use my gym membership I pay for each month. It costs $20 per visit if you are a guest, and therefore I need to go at least 3 times a month in order to break even. Therefore, I need to make sure I go at least once a week, or 4 times a month, in order for it to represent a savings and not the become the financial loss it's turned into. I'm not talking about a resolution centred around "more exercise" or "loosing those pounds" but one that revolves around no longer taking a monetary hit because of something I don't use.

As for my final, music related thought of 2007? The song "Flux" by Bloc Party is one damn good song.

i want it that way.

So for those of you who creep me online, I thought I should let you know that I deleted my last.fm account and re-signed up with the proper spelling of paper_planes. Yeah, I'm that anal that it kept annoying me to the point where action needed to be taken. So now you'll have to wait like a week or so before you get to spy on my listening habits. Sorry.

back in your head.

Happy birthday, Jesus.

(Sorry your party's so lame)

consolation prizes.

So 2007 is wrapping up, thank God.
It's been....... interesting, to say the least.
From some of my highest highs, to dirt scraping and unbearable lows. From finding comfort in the tried and true, to being thrown into the new and mysterious. 2007, it's been fun but it's time for you to move along.

I finally finished my finals earlier this week. I feel like I was the very last person on the planet still writing, sheesh. I've only gotten one mark back, and based on the marks I received throughout the course and what my overall grade was, I would have gotten 87% on the final... so A-. I don't know how I managed to do that. We'll see how I did in my other classes.

Changing topics, since 2007 is coming to an end I thought I'd compile a list of my favourite songs of the year. And no, neither Gimme More nor Girlfriend were it.

1. Umbrella - Rihanna feat. Jay-Z: Yeah. This seems a little random, but I think it was my favourite song of the year.
2. Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne: Hahahahaha. No comment.
3. Be Good (RAC Mix) - Tokyo Police Club: This is the song that started my obsession with TPC and I think it's nothing short of incredible.
4. The Con - Tegan and Sara: Man, this song was like a breath of fresh air after being in a smoke filled room when I first heard it.
5. Paper Planes - M.I.A.: Boyz was really annoying at first listen, but when heard in the context of Kala, I can tolerate it. However, among some sweet tracks like Jimmy and Bamboo Banga, Paper Planes was the stand-out on Kala.
6. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire: The break down at the 3 minute mark in this song is unbelievable.
7. 1234 - Feist: I thought "My Moon My Man" was good, but when The Reminder came out and I heard this song it was love at first listen.
8. Elevator Love Letter - Stars: This song is really old, but it came to me in a time of need.
9. Gimme More - Britney Spears: Need I try to explain this?
10. Dance Floor Anthem - Good Charlotte: Ewwwww, Good Charlotte. I know. But the bridge at 2:28 is musical ecstasy.

Other shout-outs include: Gatheration by Lady Sovereign, D.A.N.C.E. by Justice, Ruby by Kaiser Chiefs, LDN by Lily Allen, I Still Remember by Bloc Party, The Heinrich Maneuver by Interpol, Good Life by Kanye West and T-Pain, The Way I Are by Timbaland, and Give It a Night by Bella.

my moon my man.

So in a word? Broken Social Scene were unbelievable. To put it into perspective they opened up with Cause = Time. They didn't play my 2 favourites (KC Accidental & Fire Eye'd Boy), but I won't hold it against them since they didn't have their entire collective with them. Seriously. I can't even describe how amazing they were. I also got a sweet BSS shirt afterwards.

In other words, I still have one more exam tomorrow (sick). I just want to be finished already.

I also thought I'd copy and paste the following that I saw on a Facebook group, for obvious reasons.


Servers are people too.

Servers are people too! The next time you're out eating at a restaurant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it's what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!

There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to behave or tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":
If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restaurant. It's very distracting not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.

2. "THE CAMPERS":
If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money.

3. "THE VERBAL TIP":
Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is NOT a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave a shitty tip it's an insult.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:
Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. Jesus doesn't pay the bills!! It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we cant pay bills w/prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.

5. TIPPING:
It's not 1960. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. We'll break it down for you....just look at the tax line and multiply by 2-3, this gives you your minimum tip amount. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage. And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, then $4-5 to the bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

6. THE COMPLAINERS:
If you get a discount because of your food was prepared wrong or you just feel like being an asshole, don't take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.

7. THE LATE ONES:
If you come into the restaurant 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get the fuck out. No better yet....don't come in AT ALL. I'd rather not have the 5 extra dollars you're going to leave on your $60 check. Thanks anyway... Closed means closed, not social hour. What no one seems to realize is that if customers are there, we are there no matter how late they stay. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.

8. THE GREET:
When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing please let us know. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that we are going to have to deal with your attitude the entire time. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also stop interrupting our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?" But please there is no need for life stories...we aren't telling you ours are we?

9. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:
Seriously! Get off your fuckin phone...This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. All we ask is MAYBE two minutes of your time. So get off your phone. If you want to be rude to the guest with you, by all means, go right ahead.

10. THE IMPATIENT ONES:
Ahh yes... If a server comes to bring out your drinks and she/he is juggling about 5 things don't ask "Are we going to get some bread???". Do you not see their hands are full, does it look like you are going to get some bread at that moment. Clearly you will get bread, but unless the server can magically make bread appear, your question is ridiculous. Some people at your table might want their drink first, so thats what I'm bringing right now.

11. THE ONES WHO RUN YOUR ASS OFF:
If a server comes to your table and asks "is there anything else I can get for you?" I want you to tell me everything you need. Don't ask for one item, have me go and get it and on returning ask me for something else...and then keep doing it. Think of EVERYTHING you will need to make you happy and tell me ALL AT ONE TIME. We do have brains and can remember things... and last time we checked you aren't the only people in the restaurant, we have other tables that need us, and can't spend all night running back and forth.

12. SELF-SEATING:
Once again...it is not 1960, and most restaurants are not on a "seat yourself" policy. Don't just assume that the area near the bar is a place where you can sit yourself down wherever you want. There is actually a reason hosts put you where they do. Hosts try to rotate tables, ensuring that each server gets the same amount of tables, and also so that servers do not get three tables all at once. This helps guarantee you get the best service possible. Therefore don't ask to sit somewhere else once a host has brought you to a certain table either....RUDE. If you are unsure about the restaurant's policy and there is someone standing at the door staring at you when you walk in, you can bet that's a host and they will inform you. Waffle House is the only place it is acceptable to sit at a table still left dirty from the party seated there before...and please feel free to go there.

13. ORDER TAKING:
When the server comes by to take your order, don't say that you are ready if you really aren't. Although it may seem fun to keep your server standing at your table for endless amounts of time while you actually decide what you want, there are once again other tables and other things that need to be done.

14. ASKING TO SEE THE MANAGER:
If your food sucks and you ask to see the manager don't make us sound like incompotent assholes. We bust our asses to make you happy, we dont cook your food so please STOP taking it out on us.

take me to the riot.

I believe I may have a slight obsession with Canadian indie bands. When you consider some of my top favourite bands, the vast majority are all Canadian: Tegan and Sara, Tokyo Police Club, Broken Social Scene, New Pornographers, Stars, The Stills and The Arcade Fire.

Hmmmmm.

elevator love letter.

Life is passing me by.

See it? There it goes. Don't worry, I waved to it. Unfortunately, I don't think it noticed me.

your english is good.

I was wanting to use this subject title for a really good entry, and really, what could be better than an lolcat that only I get? Hahahahaha. Sigh. I'm such an Apple loser...

sinnerman.

Typically I make this post at the start of November, so I apologize for the delay. So, without further ado, I present to you my Christmas Wishlist for 2007.

1. Mac OS 10.5 Leopard:
I'm running 10.4 Tiger at the present moment and was planning on upgrading at around the 10.5.3 mark, but if someone were to gift it for Christmas that would save me a lot of time :)
Price: $129.00 (less with student discount)


2. Incase Neoprene Sleeve:
I've been using my computer naked since I got it. No, I haven't been the one naked, but rather it has. I would prefer to carry it around in my bag knowing it's protected than to take it out one day and find a huge crack from the lack of padding my bag provides.
Price: $34.95


3. MacBook battery:
I fear that after 17 months of continued use, my battery is not what it used to be. I'm running it at 85% of it's original capacity and occasionally it craps out on me and gives me an error citing ~20% capacity. This is obviously not terrible battery life and completely normal with it's life-expectancy, but hey, this is my wishlist. If you don't like, move on to the next item.
Price: $118 - 159


4. Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses #8009:
These are the infamous sunglass of the summer. I believe I've already established my love for them? Even though I couldn't go through with buying them, gifts are another issue...
Price: $100 - $200


5. DKNY Watch #1337:
I've been wanting this watch since around May. It used to be priced at around $120 dollars, but now it's on sale. Time to buy! Buy! Buy!
Price: $87.40


6. Starbucks Gift Certificate:
Mmmmm, *$'s
Price: You decide.


7. iTunes Gift Certificate:
I heart music, and free music is always better.
Price: You decide


8. London by Burberry:
I finally managed to get myself some London at Sephora, alas, it was just a tiny little bottle, so another full-sized batch would be swell.
Price: $60


9. Essential by Lacoste:
I find that London by Burberry is a fairly posh smelling fragrance, but for days when I just want to chillax, Essential is.... essential.
Price: $50


10. American Apparel shirts & hoodies:
For those days that I just want to chillax, American Apparel is teh awesome. Plus they have by far the greatest colour selection of any store I've ever seen.
Price: $19 & $45




11. Lacoste Fresher Gloss Mix
I've wanted these shoes since January and have yet to find them. Perhaps you have better luck?
Price: $100


12. Surprise!
Finally, for Christmas I would prefer it if all of you were to just completely disregard this entire wishlist. Forget it completely. Don't think about it anymore. Anything you would even think of spending on me I want all of you to either go and donate to Oxfam Canada or to UNICEF. For the most part, I have everything I could need or want. While I won't deny that it would be awesome to have all the above items, truthfully, I don't want them. I get by just fine without them, and if I truly have a need for them I can get them myself.

I chose Oxfam and UNICEF because I find them to be the two most important organizations to me. Oxfam promotes fair trade, immediate and sustainable solutions for people in disadvantaged countries, bringing justice and equality to areas of the world where it's needed most. UNICEF goes to children. Children who haven't done anything wrong, yet are paying a shitty price for something they can't control - the country of their birth. This holiday season, I ask that instead of giving anything to me, to give to others who truly need it.

Donate to UNICEF | Donate to Oxfam

*Please note that if you don't have a credit card, you can forward along any dollar amount to me who will ensure that it is given to the organization of your choice. Even if it's just one dollar.

here comes the sun.

I think I've developed a slight Nina Simone obsession.
I've been a fan of Sinnerman since I first heard it back in the summer of 2005, which was several years ago. Then 2 days ago I decided to download her "Remixed & Reimagined" album of hits. I already have a Remixed & Reimagined collection by Billie Holiday which I quite enjoy, so I thought I'd try the one with Nina Simone. Pretty sure that's all I've been listening to now. While the music is clearly not new, it's "new to me" which is always better.

Ps, I replaced the shoutbox. Nobody cry because nobody wrote on that thing.

mr. brightside

Let me just preface this by saying that I know no one reads this blog, but oh well. Anyway, I've always thoroughly enjoyed The Killers. Albeit, I tend to prefer their synth-indie rock versus their straight up indie rock and roll. Nevertheless, I have always enjoyed Mr. Brightside, mainly because, upon closer examination of my life, I have always been a "Mr. Brightside." Aside from liking The Killers, I also like remixes. Not just gangsta-rap remixes via J. Lo, but actual electronic remixes. I am rather picky about which remixes I like though, which makes it hard for me to find remixes I approve of, because most of them I don't. I tend to like remixes that elaborate on the original and perhaps give it that extra something it's missing. And I hate remixes that are just thump-thump club hopping remixes. Where is this post going, you may ask yourself? (All 0 people who read this, hahaha). Well yesterday while listening to the new Killers album "Sawdust" I finally experienced Jacque Lucont's Thin White Duke remix of Mr. Brightside. In a word? It's Heaven. Please listen to it. It's almost 10 minutes long, but trust me, it's worth every second.

world town.

I changed the layout of my blog. thoughts/comments?

she moves in her own way.

Don't you hate it when you sign up for something and you misspell your desired username? Not only does the misspelling make no sense but it also makes you look like a moron. For instance, now that I finally caved in after saying I would never sign up for last.fm, I go and give myself the username papers_planes instead of paper_planes. I blame that fact that someone is already using paperplanes which is what I wanted from the beginning. Yes, I am passing the blame along to someone else for my own typo. It makes me feel better about myself.

wherever you will go.

I miss a lot of things. The ocean, short traveling distances, having my weekends booked up weeks in advance, the ocean.
But, most of all, I miss you.

I think I'm at that point, I really do. Do I jump in and embrace whatever may lay ahead? Or, after dipping my toes in, do I decide this water is not to my liking and try another pool? They say the Devil's water it ain't so sweet. You don't have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet every once in a little while.

toy soldier.

So Britney's new CD came out yesterday. Being a fan of hers since the 6th grade I went off to buy it during my break between classes. I was very, very excited about her first new album in 4 years, so much so that I didn't even let myself listen to the leaks online, choosing instead to be surprised on the 30th. With that said, people have been asking me all day what I thought about it, so below, I shall give my full, compete and honest opinion on Britney's new album.

Blackout has actually given Britney the best critic ratings of her entire career. Everyone seems to love it. It's even expected to debut at #1 with 250k-300k in sales, meaning she'll have 5 consecutive #1 studio albums, beating her own Guiness World Record. The songs aren't bad. The songs are very contemporary. They sound like she's never left the scene and still knows what's going on. The reason for this is because she (or, more accurately, her record label) has employed today's top notch producers, chiefly Timbaland protege Danja, Sean Garrett, T-Pain, as well as Bloodshy & Avant, the people responsible for "Toxic." If this had been the 90's this record would have been groundbreaking. However, since Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake cashed in on Timbaland's futuristic beats everyone has been wanting a piece of the chart-topping pie, turning Timbaland and Danja's beats from futuristic to contemporary, and eventually if this trend continues, mundane.

It's biggest strength, and for me, it's ultimate downfall is that it sounds like everything else on the radio. This serves as something crucial because it means that Britney is able to keep up in the music industry. The current state of the industry means that taking any kind of break is a death sentence into obscurity. Taking any kind of break, for however long, is a life time in the consumers eyes. By using Danja she shows she's able to stay current, but does current translate into still being relevant? Like Usher, Petey Pablo and Ciara all benefited from Lil' Jons production a few years past, Britney has benefited the same as Brooke Valentine did. Remember her? Yeah, that's my point. By the time she came out, everyone sounded like her and she like everyone else. With "Blackout" it could be anybody else on these tracks, and they could appear on any radio station anywhere in North America. The Britney name is the only distinguishing factor that carries the album.

The second problem facing "Blackout" is that it doesn't feel like a real comeback. The lack of promotional buzz on Britney's part, even the lacklustre performance at the VMA's are forgivable. However, this album feels a little lifeless and I feel as if Britney didn't even want to do this, considering she only co-wrote 2 songs on the whole disc. Even the song "Piece of Me" in it's lyrical brilliance that sees her bite back against the critics, media and overall detractors feels listless because she didn't write a single word in the song. How personal can a song get when you didn't contribute nickel or dime? Her first two albums didn't include any co-writing credits from her either, but they felt they had an actual purpose. They existed to introduce the world to the 17 year old with world domination dreams. Her third album was when she took creative control and it felt like an honest record (or as honest as the Britney machine gets). Her 4th and last album was just like "Blackout." The top producers cultivated it, but with that one (which is subsequently my favourite) still felt like it had a purpose. She co-wrote the majority of those songs and it felt fairly real and authentic. "Blackout" on the other hand feels like she didn't want anything to do with it, as if her label and the producers were just wanting to make money and prove that they can resurrect anybody's career.

I repeat that the songs aren't bad, they're good even, but does having good songs equate having a good album? That's up to the individual to decide. The high points for me, and the songs I recommend every check out before they're singles and blow up are "Gimme More" "Piece of Me" "Break the Ice" and "Toy Soldier."

Ultimately, I like this album. I may not like aspects of it, or as a product on the whole, but I enjoy the music - and her music is what made me a Britney fan to begin with. Over and out.

fluorescent adolescent.

I had to read John Howard Griffin's book "Black Like Me" for my sociology class. It is, by far, one of the most difficult books I have ever had to read. For those of you who haven't a clue what the book is about, basically, Griffin decided to see what life was really like for a black person in the deep south in the late 1950s. So, he decided that the only way to truly find out, was to become black. He medically altered his skin a dark brown and then went off to live in the deep south for a month and a half, wandering around Louisiana, Mississippi, and New Orleans as a black, unemployed man. Having to read about the outright discrimination he faced was more difficult than I can put into words. He was the same person he had always been, with the same hobbies, interests and education - yet, simply because his skin was now darker, he experienced a completely new world. People weren't mean to him, John Griffin the person, they were mean to a black man. Plain and simple. They did not see "him" they saw a colour.

As difficult as I found the book, I would like nothing more than to have at least 1 more person read it after seeing this. It is only through education that we can finally purge our society of the disgusting evil that resides in select individuals, permeating their actions and thoughts, spilling over unto the lessons they teach their children. It's through education that we can finally attain a society that is decent enough to live in. The situation with the Blacks in Deep South is the same as the Jews with the Nazis not 10 years prior. We like to think that in our post-modern world this type of thing rarely happens anymore, that we should be so educated to not stoop to that kind of a level of barbarism. Not true. Look at the injustices suffered by Muslims, masqueraded under the thin veil of "counter-terrorism." Look at how the youth, the elderly, women and gay men and lesbians have to struggle to be accepted into certain aspects of our "educated" society. To say that we have somehow left behind this discriminatory mask the human race frequently wears is a lie.

The book caused me to look inside myself in a way that merely talking about prejudice, discrimination and injustice never could. It made me look past the "good person" I portray and actually see the person I am. They say that to gain a true understanding of a person, you shouldn't observe how they treat their equals, but rather, those below them. I fear that within me I, too, have discriminatory thoughts and preconceived notions about people, that I should know not to think, but I do. I could sit here and try to blame "America's Most Wanted" all I want for instilling in me to fear certain individuals above others. To treat others from a different playing field based solely on things they cannot control (IE age, sex race and sexual orientation) - or worse yet, things that, because they can control them (IE religion), therefore means they have decided to fit a certain mold. Unfortunately, America's Most Wanted is not to blame. The media is not to blame. Others surrounding us are not to blame. It is our own decision to accept these "truths" we are presented with, and therefore, the blame lays squarely on me for having discriminatory thoughts, however small they may be, regardless if they are chased from my mind as quickly as they enter it.

I offer no real solution to this ever-persistent and very real problem. Education allows us to see humans, not certain aspects of humans. Education allows us acknowledge these faults within ourselves, and hopefully rectify them. However, education can only go so far and reach a certain number of people. Perhaps the ultimate solution is to keep trying. Yes, education can only travel so far, but if we were to blatantly stop trying to bring about equality, would we not have conceded ourselves into defeat? Yes, the problem will never be solved, but there is a chance it may never be universally accepted. It is this chance that we have to rally our hopes around.

In completely unrelated news, Britney's new CD is out today! :D

nature of the experiment.

I just thought I'd let everyone know that Tokyo Police Club soothes my soul. I've been listening to their two EP's on repeat for the past few days. I don't know how they manage to do it, but with each listen the songs seem to get better and better. My favourite song by them is Be Good and the RAC Remix on the Smith EP is musical ecstasy.

I think I'll make a real post sometime soon since I never really talk about my life. Yes, next on the agenda will be me talking about my life. Over and out. Under and in.

fire eye'd boy.

So I made a post a week or so ago about the bands that were coming to Cowtown that I wanted to see. Now, I must make an addition to that.

Friday, December 14th - BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE

I'm so insanely excited, you have no idea. I did a double take earlier today when my friend told me.

please don't stop the music.

I'm so flipping excited for this, hahahaha. I'm not even letting myself listen to the leaks. I want to be surprised on the 30th when I go and get it. Huzzah!

fall into place.

Overheard in New York speaks the truth...

"Three-year-old girl to no one in particular: The white man is everywhere. [Mother looks at her, puzzled. Girl gazes up at crosswalk sign] The white man tells us when to go."

we're from barcelona.

I swear if I stumble upon someone else's Facebook status that says "Billy Bob is across the universe" or "Michelle Icklebob is in rainbows" or worse yet "Peter Nosebleed is in rainbows, allowing them to take him across the universe" I'm going to snap. Maybe it's because the majority of people I know are into that kind of indie music and film, which I suppose is a good thing compared to the alternative, but it's getting to the point where it's very much "bah, bah, I'm a sheep too."

party like a rock star.

"Happy Birthday" A phrase like that gets tossed around quite a bit on a day like today, but what does "Happy Birthday" really mean? Is there such a thing as a Happy Birthday? In reality, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.

heaven on earth.

It's coming. I can feel it coming.
I only have 1 full day left before it rears it's ugly little head.
Oh God, no, send the apocalypse now so I don't have to deal with it.

i was married.

"I look into the mirror, for evil that just does not exist. I don't see what they see."

I Was Married by Tegan and Sara

Sigh.

Loneliness wraps itself around me, like a frigid blanket.

keep the car running.

This post serves more as a reminder for myself so I know what's going on, but looking ahead some of the bands coming to the city that I want to see include:

The Weakerthans - Oct 9

The New Pornographers - Oct 13

Tokyo Police Club - Oct 14

Ted Leo + The Pharmacists - Oct 18/19

Modest Mouse - Nov 2 (sold out :()

Boys Like Girls - Nov 2

Wintersleep - Nov 6

Dropkick Murphey's - Nov 8

Stars - Nov 20

plea from a cat named virtute.

So October has arrived. This is always a great month, and has always been one of my favourites. I tend to wait 11 whole months just to get to October. The leaves changing colours, the brisk wind that stings your face on a cool day, the thought that my birthday (and with it, presents) are coming. I tend to be a sucker for Autumn. Actually, I tend to be a sucker for all seasons minus spring. Spring can rot for all I care.

Autumn here in Calgary is something I've never seen. The trees shedding their only possessions to the frigid ground, while cars produce gusts of wind that blow them around is nothing new. The wind coming along and producing a tolerable sting on your cheeks is nothing new. The sky morphing into an inky black, dotted with stars earlier and earlier in the day is nothing new. The tall skyscrapers that seem to separate the clouds, and leave scratch marks on an unsuspecting sky is something new. The bustle of one million people scurrying around, with an almost disregard for the people around them, invading their routine, is something new. But most new of all, is the backdrop to which this is all set on. Looking out into the vastness of time and space in front of me and seeing jagged formations of earth that have been here longer than the human race is something new. I've always thought autumn was the most beautiful of all seasons, but having everything I love about autumn depicted in front of the Rocky Mountains is something new, and something I'm finding I quite enjoy.

how far we've come.

So in exactly 2 weeks, less 1 day, it'll be my birthday. I'm finally leaving my teen years behind and venturing into the world of the twenties. They called that decade the roaring twenties. I highly doubt those years will be roaring for me. Although you know what they say, "in like a lamb, out like a lion."

I feel completely indifferent. I'm not excited. I'm not anxious. I'm not anything. I know I'm going to be slightly depressed about turning 20, but it's far less to do with the age than the circumstances in which I find myself in at the time. Although, truthfully, I don't think I should be depressed about it. Being complete honest, my birthdays have always been somewhat of a disappointment. I can only think of a few birthdays I was actually excited for. Last year was one of them, and I think it was more so because I was finally able to do stuff I hadn't been able to do before. Go to bars, get to see decent bands play, go to trivia, etc. The perks are what I looked forward to, not the actual day commemorating my birth.

So yes, my birthday is coming up, and it looks like it'll fall into the same category the vast majority of my birthdays have fallen into. I really shouldn't be terribly surprised.

Countdown, countdown, countdown to the disappointment....*

*For reference, I used the same line to describe waiting for the 19th birthday. I guess I have a history of not looking forward to my birthdays...

no cars go.

"I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects."

-Oscar Wilde

Maybe it's because I'm vain and narcissistic but I really like the first part of the quote.

weighty ghost.

This Postsecret saddens me greatly.

gatheration.

As I sit here, I can't help but think, notice and observe that....

I have terrible posture.
I've never owned a single pet.
I plan on owning a mixed Labrador and Shar Pei dog named Satchel.
I would like to own 2 fish, named emo and indie.
My favourite kind of soup is Italian Wedding soup.
My favourite animal is the Platypus.
My second favourite animal is the Polar Bear.
If I were in Harry Potter, I think my patronus would be a bear.
I'm not as well read as I pretend to be.
I think it would be cool to be left handed.
I'll consider myself successful when I can shop at Banana Republic and stop by Starbucks every morning.
I spend too much time on Wikipedia.
I'm a night hawk.
I'm a chronic procrastinator.
I prefer orange juice over apple juice.
I install computer software I never use (I.E. Photoshop, PowerPoint, etc.)
I want my first car to be a VW and then finally one day own a BMW a.k.a. a Beamer
I long to have stereotypical holidays for Christmas and Thanksgiving.
I love big houses, but I would like to have a cabin in the woods overlooking a river one day.
I would like to think I trust where other people wouldn't and give out second chances, I don't think I do though.
I'm a giant product of consumerism and pop culture, and I won't pretend to deny it.

That's pretty much me in a nutshell...

like a prayer.

be good.

I think that, after 177 spins, I'm kind of getting sick of "Gimme More." I still love it, but now I get a little nauseous every time I hear the opening line "It's Britney, bitch."
Oi vey.

nolita fairytale.

Huzzah, new iPods!

My break down:

The shuffle is unchanged, so my opinion is pretty much the same. I don't understand why they would make a big hoopla about making one in orange, just to discontinue it with the next revision. I do like the purple one though.

The nano is... different. I was hoping those mockups were going to be a whole new iPod line and not the nano. It's form factor looks decent in the Apple promo shots, but I guess I'll have to reserve my judgement until I hold one in my hands. I don't really like the whole "two face" thing it's got going on with it's GUI though. I do like the green and blue colours though.

The classic is fantastic. Thinner, better battery life and more storage than previous iPods, plus aluminum casing? Very nice.

The touch... eh. I don't really like it. Not going to lie. Not enough storage for the price, plus I just don't like it.


I wouldn't mind getting a purple shuffle and the new iPod classic.

the heinrich maneuver.

And that, ladies and germs, was the fastest climb to a play count of over one hundred that I've ever had. It takes quite a lot for a song to become the 3rd most played song on my iTunes - third only to Girlfriend and Hips Don't Lie.

On a side note, clearly I need to get friends and gain some kind of semblance of a life if the last 3 blog posts I've written have all been about Britney Spears. Sigh.

cold as fire.

So in the 24 hours since Britney's comeback single made it's way onto the internet and subsequently onto my iTunes, I've listened to it a massive 61 times. In less than 24 hours. Wow. I think that's the most I've ever listened to a song all at once, even topping out Girlfriend and Hips Don't Lie, which have been played (according to iTunes) 222 and 295 times, respectively.

From what I've gathered on the internets, MTV played it for will.i.am who said it was fantastic. The reviews are overwhelmingly positive. On the radio station it premiered on last night in New York, it went to #1 on their daily countdown by noon the following day. It's already the 78th most played song of the week on US radio after less than 24 hours. ZING! I think we have a hit and return to form. Huzzah!

gimme more.

white space

Go Team Britney!

white space

hunting for witches.

First of all, I want to make it clear that I'm not in an emo mood.
I'm not sad or depressed or anything.
Rather, I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically - although I think the fact that it's after 2 may have an effect on the physical.

I've been here in Calgary for closing in on 4 months now, and I think not having any friends is finally getting to me. I used to be emo and depressed over it, but I'm not anymore. Now it's just getting to me. 4 months without any friends. Slowly going crazy am I. I'm longing for some kind of human interaction that isn't there anymore. I'm longing for long nights and listless days spent with people; however, I've slowly come to the realization that it's not to be. For the time being at least. Gah, this is killing me from the inside out. What's the point of being in the middle of an "exciting new era in your life" when you have no one to share it with and make memories with? They say that college years are the best years in your life, and for me they have been, but these past 3 and a half months have been long and hard without people to share in the thrill with me. Everything I do and everything I listen to; everything I watch and everything I think reminds me of other times, and those are the only things I have to cling to anymore. Memories of past times and illusions of times that have never been are all I have to keep me company.

I repeat, I'm not in one of my (frequent) emo or depressed moods, but I am starting to get fed up with this situation. I know in the long run having moved away will have been a good decision, but for now all I can think about is how different these past 3 and a half months could have been if I remained in the company of those I miss. Actually, it's not that I even miss my own friends, but I just miss friends in general. Ugh. I know I'm going to meet people in the future, but for the here and now, I have no one.

Completely. Fed. Up.

like eating glass.

I've been looking around on Wikipedia and just the internet in general about Bloc Party and their songs. Looking into the lyrics and what the songs are about. I've come to the conclusion that I really like the Bloc Party.

I also talked to my manager at AE and everything is now worked out. Whew.

dance floor anthem

Working in an environment such as American Eagle it's important to have a float in your till before the start of the day, properly stocked with enough bills and coins to provide customers paying with cash the adequate amount of change. Whenever we don't have enough coins to give out, the manager on duty counts out $350 in bills, places them inside a pencil case, which is then placed inside a small AE shopping bag. This bag is given to one of the employees so that we can go over to the BMO across the way and exchange said bills for coins.

Our tale begins last Friday, the 17th of August when I was the employee whose responsibility it was to go to the bank for some coins. When I arrived at BMO and spoke with the teller I handed her the pencil case, which until this point had remained untouched since it was placed inside the shopping bag. The teller then informed me that instead of the $350 worth of coins we were requesting, we had only supplied her with $270 in bills. For those who have difficulties with numbers that's $80 that should have been there, that wasn't. I told the teller to just give us the amount of coins she could for the bills we had and when I returned to American Eagle I told Sarah, the assistant manager, that the teller found a discrepancy between what we should have had and what we actually had. Sarah double checked the tills to make sure that she had taken out $350 and not $270. Her numbers added up and we were left wondering what had happened to the $80. My shift ended without further mention of the incident.

I returned to work yesterday after 4 days off. I heard nothing of anything at the time. Today, I went back to work and discovered something. Sarah, the foolish, silly girl who can't get her own life together and somehow wound up being an assistant manager at AE, was accusing me of theft behind my back. During my time off people had been talking about me behind my back because of the missing money. I heard that 3/4 of the staff thought I was innocent, and that the store manager didn't think I would do something like that, but that it was interesting. The fact that I gave my letter of resignation that same day also, undoubtedly places the blame on me. As if I'm going to get very far in life on $80. The manager's actions are damaging to my reputation and a clear defamation of my character. Be that as it may, the point remains this:

A) I am not angry about being accused, rather, I am incredibly hurt. I would have hoped that after 4 months of working there my fellow coworkers would have opened their eyes up a bit more to see my character and the type of person I am. I may be a lot of things, some good and some bad, but I am not a thief. I don't steal. Period.

B) No one had the balls to come up and ask me. People instead chose to talks amongst themselves behind my back. Managers flat out accused me without knowing. No one had the decency to come up and ask me what had happened. People chose to come to their own conclusion, throwing simple things like the "truth" and their own experience with me and the person I am, out the window.

I said above I wasn't angry, and I'm not. If in the future they find out what happened to cause the shift in monies they don't need to seek me out because I already forgive them for accusing me. I'm merely hurt that after a handful of months they still don't know who I am.

I'm going to talk to the store manager tonight. Since I'm not on the schedule next week, tomorrow is my last shift and I don't want to leave this job without addressing the issue. Perhaps when I address it directly, then people will see that they have poor judgement of character.

d.a.n.c.e

On a separate note, I need new clothes.

i hear music.

I got a haircut today, huzzah!
I also gave AE my two weeks notice. I get so much more money from Moxie's, plus that store was a veritable gong show.
I had a very revealing conversation with my hairdresser today. I think I know what direction I want my life to go in. I don't know precisely what I'll be doing, or what I want to, but I have direction and a final goal with several mini goals along the way. What these things are you'll just have to wait until the next blog post. I've got to entice you, my readers, to keep coming back.

floorplan.

"There are two kinds of secrets.
Those we keep from others, and those we keep from ourselves."
-Frank

PostSecret video

hop a plane.

I got a promotion at work. Apparently Moxie's is under the impression that I'm a hard worker. Don't know who told them that because it sure wasn't me, hahaha. I got moved up from a host to a server. Huzzah!

changes are no good.

Current conditions in Calgary:
12°C, cloudy with showers.

The weather outside reflects the mood within.

bamboo banger.

For the past 3 years my life has been constantly filled with theatre (although technically, we can add another 2 years if you include Carousel and the ill-fated Krauskopf flop production of the Ugly Duckling). Starting with Seussical in grade 12, followed by Lysistrata in my first year, and then Seven Stories, and then Heartbreak House, and then Deathtrap, and then The Tempest, followed by School for Scandal and finally the random night of one acts. I've had at most a month between productions, with most of them overlapping with each other. However, since the night of one acts in February I haven't done anything. I've been here in Calgary for 3 months and I obviously haven't done anything with theatre, nor do I have anything coming up. It's funny because back in PEI I decided I wouldn't do anymore theatre stuff because, let's face it, I kind of suck at it. No sense wasting my time on something I have no talent for. But, in all honesty, it feels kind of weird not having a part of my schedule devoted to rehearsals or shows.

stranger.

It's the month of August already.
When did that happen?

tambourine.

Best. Book. Ever.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has blown me away. There is no shred of doubt in my mind that the human race has a literary genius walking among us in the form of J.K. Rowling.

Signed,
Completely floored and stunned.

the con.

Listening to Tegan and Sara's new album The Con is providing me with an immense sense of satisfaction and a surprising sense of comfort. It's like being reunited with two friends who know everything about you. Know your mind; know how you think and feel. Two friends who, for some reason or another, have gone missing for the past 3 years. In the span of 3 years you've filled your mind with old conversations had with them and memories you've made together, but nothing is quite like being around them in real life, or for the sake of this metaphor, listening to new music by them.

my rights versus yours.

I got a new job. It's at this classy, upscale restaurant called Moxie's. It's right downtown on the C-Train line. It's a pretty much fantastic location. The pay is pretty sweet. For a starting position as a Host, I've never once made this much money in my life. I had to sell my soul in PEI and work at a call centre, and here I'm starting off at several dollars more. Huzzah! The only thing better than the location and the pay is the actual job. I honestly love it. It's pretty easy, nothing too complicated, and the people I've met there already are unreal. So freaking friendly and outgoing. I think I may finally start to make some friends in this city. In case you didn't know, I still don't have any friends here. I mean, I'm friends with the people from American Eagle (aka my other job), but it ends there. There's nothing after work, and between you and I (and all the other people of the internets), there are a few people who work there that I would never be friends with in real life. Then there's Voldemort*. This real piece of work assistant manager. I can't stand her. It's funny because I really wanted to work at AE in the beginning. I love the clothes. They play cool music. The discount is phenomenal. The other day I was working with 3 other people that I like and it was like a night and day difference to when I have to work with Voldemort*.

I'm all registered for school. I'm very nervous and anxious. What's it going to be like? Am I going to meet anyone? Ugh.

I love the Stampede. I went last week to the parade, then the midway, then the chuck wagon races and finally the grand stand show. So much fun.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix came out this week, and while I'm very much excited to see it, it's nothing compared to how ecstatic I am about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

*I don't really work with Voldemort. But we get along like Harry and Voldemort do. Clearly I'm Harry.

world on fire.

So this past week I went to the Sunglass Hut. They sell sunglasses, in case the name didn't tip you off. Actually, they sell really nice sunglasses. I'm talking about Versace, Prada, Dolce and Gabbana, DKNY, etc, etc. I went in there the other day, and I found a pair of D&G sunglasses that were amazing. I've never been able to find a pair of sunglasses I looked decent in - ever. I just don't think sunglasses suit me very well. Well, let's just say that my sunglass theory went out the window. These were incredible sunglasses and I looked fantastic in them. I could have given Brad Pitt a run for his money. However, the price set me off a little. $300 for sunglasses is a lot. $300 for anything is a lot. Even if it's D&G. So these past few days I've been contemplating buying them. I really, really, really wanted them. And they wanted me. I know this because of how well I looked. Sunglasses just don't look that good on people, and these were amazing on me. They were clearly made with me in mind. Clearly. But tonight while browsing around the ole YouTube I stumbled upon something I hadn't seen in years. Something that brought me back to Earth. Something that reminded me of how I used to be - how I used to think and feel.

I can't do it. I can't justify spending that much money on a material object that can be replaced with something for $4 I saw at RW&Co the other day. I used to believe in helping the people who live in other parts of the world because I narrowly escaped it. Coming from a country that has seen more than it's share of political strife, mixed with an unhealthy dose of inhumane living conditions that have prevented an entire population from progressing, I feel like I have no choice but to help. If I wasn't here, safe and cozy in the Canadian lifestyle I've become accustomed to, that would be me who would be suffering those conditions. That would be me.

There's one part in the video that gets me. Sitting in my room at night while everyone else in the house is asleep I could feel a pang of guilt mixed in with burning eyes while watching it. If you know me at all, you know I don't cry that often. Aside from anything remotely having to do with the personal safety and stability of my family, nothing really tends to get me going. Even then, I don't really cry over my family (eg, I didn't shed a single tear in the 1 year I lived on my own from "homesickness"). However, this one little 10 second spot had me feeling all fire eyed. This one woman, working 2 jobs for 16 hours a day, 7 days a week PLUS selling oranges for two cents every night had an effect on me that my own mother doesn't always have. This woman does all of this to make the $200 she needs every year to send her son to school. All that work for $200. Here I am on the other hand more than willing to shell out $300 for something I'm guaranteed to break or lose within that many days.

So instead I'm going to go back to RW&Co and buy those $4 sunglasses I saw. The other $296 that would have gone to Dolce and Gabbana are going to be donated to Oxfam International. I've always been a strong supporter of Oxfam. Last year alone they helped plant more than 10,000 drought resistant trees in Ethiopia. Of course, if anyone knows of any other good world charities, I'd be happy to take a look at them, and consider giving a portion of the $296 to them as well.

nine crimes.

It's happening. Slowly but surely.
I've been given the opportunity that I've been longing for all my life.
The opportunity to create a new version of me - a better me. So I'm going to take it.
I'm becoming a different person. Not a different person. But I think you know what I mean.
I'm somewhere where no one knows my name. I can be anything I want.
I am, how do you say it? Stoked.


...but still. a part of me hates that i'm separated from those i care about.
i wish i could have both all at once.

7/4 (shoreline)

mack the knife.

Is it wrong I'm getting excited for Christmas? Not so much the day, but just the season. Today was the 25th. Errr, yesterday was the 25th. That means we're over the hump. It's now less than 6 months until Christmas. Giddy up.

mi swing es tropical.

Have you ever noticed that when things are going great you're ten-feet tall, completely in control and bulletproof? But then, all of a sudden, all that perfection, all that beautiful control, just falls to crap. No one likes to lose control, it's almost like it's a sign of weakness. And still there are times when it just gets away from you, when the world stops spinning. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to free-falling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you. I think this past year really proved to me that when you free-fall and for some reason or another, your family isn't there, then your friends really do step in and step up. I can't describe how sad and lonely and lost I feel without them.

ruby.

So this is my update. I promise I will never do that to my blog again. Clearly I have too many readers who miss reading about me, hahahaha. More updates are in store, cross my scarf and hope to fly.

So yes. I've moved. I no longer live in Prince Edward Island. I've been here in Calgary since May 8th. I left PEI and drove across the country with my family. It was actually kind of nice. Big surprise, eh? Tensions were very high the week they arrived in Charlottetown and before we left, but the actual trip was nice. It turns out we can actually behave like a normal family when we have no other choice. Traveling across the country was cool. It's weird to think there are entire countries out there smaller than some of our provinces. I can understand why Canada is considered a country of natural beauty, and I think my own Canadian pride may have inched a little higher after seeing the landscape in our backyard.

Calgary has been alright. I'm working at American Eagle Outfitters. It's pretty funny because the mall I work at (which is about 10 minutes away from our house, so that's nice) is considered a "dinky, pathetic" mall by most Calgarians. However, it's about 4 times bigger than the Charlottetown mall with that many more stores, a real food court, and a glass elevator that takes you to the upper floors. I haven't been to the biggest mall in Calgary yet, but I figure I should conquer the smaller ones first. Learn to walk before you run, and all that other cliched crap.

In reality, I haven't seen much of the city at all. The skyline is fantastic, and I take every chance I get to check it out. Being the first skyline I've ever seen I've become rather attached to it already. As for the actual city though, I haven't been to many things. The Calgary Zoo I think pretty much sums it up. Stephan Avenue/7th Ave (aka a massive, skyscraper dominated Victoria Row) is pretty much all I ever go to. There's a lot more to the city though that I haven't had to chance to see but I want to. The Glenbow Museum, all the other malls, Eau Claire Market, Prince's Island Park, the Saddledome, Calgary Tower and 17th Ave (aka party street) are all on my to-do list. Along with you :P Hehe.

So yeah. I've been here a month now. My job is only part time so I'm planning on getting another one. The only thing is that a lot of the jobs I've seen are jobs I don't want. I don't care that Tim Horton's pays $14 an hour, I refuse to do Fast food. TELUS Mobility pays around $20 an hour, but call centre's are no longer for me. Finding a decent job is proving to be annoying. Most of the places I apply at turn out to be super dodgy because I don't know anything about them (IE Bootlegger's Restaurant, which should be the location for Sketch Fest '07). What's the point in getting offered high paying jobs if I'm going to get stabbed at work? Okay, that's an exaggeration but still.

So working part time is what I'm doing now. That leaves me with a lot of extra time on my hands. It sucks because AE gives me part time so I can enjoy my summer, but I have no one to enjoy it with. This presents a problem. You see, when I first got here I wasn't wowed or caught up in Calgary. I wanted to go home. I missed everyone and everything. I was having dreams where I walked across the country just to go back home and be with people I missed. After a week or so I started to adjust. I was fine for a month. But then I started to get home sick. After realizing it was a month since I saw a familiar face, and with school not starting for several months and therefore my chance of making friends several months away, I got really homesick. I started thinking I wanted to go back home in the fall. Ironic that in the middle of my homesickness I got my final acceptance to the University of Calgary with every single one of my courses transferring over. Even the dreaded Biology, hahahaha. I don't think I'll be going home though. Thinking about my two possible futures, one where I finish school at UPEI seems more fun, with more experiences, more friends, more life learning. One where I stayed at the U of C seemed dull, drab, and restricting. Absolute freedom vs. being a stranger. Being with people I cared about and who genuinely cared about me vs. being a stranger. It seems pretty masochistic, and it is. But here's the thing. I can't go back. It's like giving up. I've never liked PEI. The people? Hell yes. There are so many people there I miss immensely and care about to an Nth degree, but the physical place was restricting. While it'll always have a place in my heart I can't give up this battle. Moving hasn't been a simple "here we go." It's been hard and saddening, but it'd be harder to go back knowing I walked away. People have told me that it's only for school and that moving away after I get a degree is pretty common, but I've crossed the line. What if after every decision we made we went running back across the line to safety? There's safety in numbers, but the thing about crossing the line is that once you do, it's virtually impossible to return - to go back.

For me, I don't plan on staying in Calgary. I don't plan on living my life here - far from it, actually. I consider this a test and a stepping stone. A test to see if I can do it. If I can disassociate myself from those I surround myself with and immerse myself in another place, city and town, and manage to come out on the winning end. It's also a stepping stone so that it becomes easier later in life. Easier to move, easier to adjust, easier to meet people. We'll see what becomes of this.

jarhand.

NEW POST COMING SOON!

all i need.

Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky
They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights
We're on the run I can see it in your eyes
If nothing is safe then I don't understand
You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man
One more day and it's all slipping with the sand
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand

Guess we both know we're in over our heads
We got nowhere to go and no home that's left
The water is rising on a river turning red
It all might be OK or we might be dead
If everything we've got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see
You're all I see

The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm
Glass is breaking so don't let go of my arm
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met
All that we'll leave behind and all that's left
If everything we've got is blowing away
We've got a rock and a rock till our dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it's all we got but it's all I need
You're all I need

And if all we've got, is what no one can break,
I know I love you, if that's all we can take,
the tears are coming down, they're mixing with the rain,
I know I love you, if that's all we can take.

A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground
We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down
The TV's playing it all out of town
We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown.

break your mama's back.

It’s hard to resist the chance of a new beginning, a chance to put old problems to bed. Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year. It’s an event - big or small, something that changes us, ideally it gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it's also important to remember amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.

umbrella.

Well I made it across the country.
The drive wasn't too bad.
I haven't seen the city yet aside from the skyline coming in from the East.
It looks alright I guess.
I miss my friends though. It's weird knowing you can't call someone up and hang out.
My sister got her iPod and camera stolen on the way over, so that was a barrel of fun.

the end's not near.

...It's here.

the best damn thing.

Not gonna lie.
I've been listening to the new Avril Lavigne CD nonstop since I bought it this Tuesday (aka the day it came out).
Haven't bought a CD in eons and I wasn't disappointed.
I've listened to "Girlfriend" 125 times according to iTunes and excluding listening to it in the car.
I think it's safe to say it's this years "Hips Don't Lie"
Meghan seems to think I'm addicted to the song. Whatever.
I can't get enough of the CD. It's so good.

You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious.

losing my way.

This past weekend we had 37cm of snow fall on top of us.
Snowed in during Easter weekend.
Aren't people supposed to be out in the grass finding chocolate eggs? Snow at Easter goes against humanity.
Worse was the fact that I didn't have internet at home during the snow storm.
I was cut off from civilization.
Actually, I still don't have internet at home.
Every day I hope it comes, but it nevers does, so I continue being aggravated in silence.

Anyway, now we're expecting another storm.
15-25 cm of snow expected tomorrow.
Seriously.
THIS IS SPRING! Where are the green trees, grass and sunny days?
I thought it was "April Showers" not "April Heavy snowfall warnings for Queens County"
Sheesh.

mr weatherman.

I had a dream I met Steve Jobs last night.

Other people, normal people, dream about falling down a hole, being chased, writing exams, etc.
I, on the other hand, dream about Steve Jobs.
Clearly I'm not normal.

He didn't seem very friendly. I hope my dream was wrong about him.

earth intruders.

So it's been a while since I last updated with anything concerning my life.

I write exams Wednesday, Thursday and then again next Wednesday.
I'm not really worried about them, more so about the amount of assignments I have to pass in for my Creative Writing class. Ugh.

I'm almost done though. I only have to make it until the 20th and then I'm free in every way possible.
Holla holla.


In other news, I'm obsessed with the new Bjork song Earth Intruders. It's really good, I highly recommend you listen to it. Coincidentally it was produced by Timbaland. Is it just me, or is this guy everywhere all of a sudden?

wanna be startin' somethin'

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.

Actually, nothing will ever drag me awat from you.
Nothing.



... I know it says "awat" instead of "away" but it's line me funny.

cupid's chokehold

Ouch.
I stubbed my toe earlier.
It hurt.

I'm almost done of school.

...that's about it. I lead a pretty boring life.

boulevard of broken dreams.

I'm so addicted to Smallville it's not even funny.
I finally got caught up on the 6 episodes I was behind on.
Holy crap. I don't think I've ever seen a better episode of that show than "Promise."
It was the stuff Grey's Anatomy episodes are made of (IE, the good stuff)
Although I'm not really feeling the direction Grey's is taking. I miss the second season.

It feels weird looking back on your life. Seeing things and people that were once important, integral parts of your life slide into the scope of nothingness. Completely obsolete; now replaced with other things. Seeing how things used to be is hard because you have to come face-to-face with the realization that nothing is forever. Except maybe Herpes. You have to accept that things change and people change. In the quiet, in the stillness, we're able to escape back in time, but that's merely escapism and not reality. I guess you could always avoid the disillusion of reality by chasing down every other temporary high, but aren't those just fleeting glimpses of happiness? I guess we can't truly be happy until we learn to accept our own susceptibility to evolution of character, and lack of immortality. Things change, seasons come and go, people change, people die out. We need to learn that nothing can last, least of all situations. Once we realize that I think we're finally able to appreciate the moments we live. In certain moments we feel infinite, but we aren't, and least of all the moment isn't infinite. We all move forward, but towards what? Death? Life? Some kind of revelation about the true nature of humans? About the nature of God? We go through life, experiencing pitfalls and euphoria, we trudge along the path of time calling it "progress" but what are we really progressing to? Does anyone really know?

Things change. We can't hold on to them forever. What was once "cool" becomes "hot" what we classify as "in" then becomes "far out" and things continue to interchange their titles, coming back and then making their exit, just to hide in the wings before reappearing. Are the Pussycat Dolls always going to be popular? Are iPods always going to be cool? Other things come along and steal their title, and then they fade as well, just like our lives from year to year. People always make observations about how other people have changed from what they used to be, but what does it mean when we can observe this change in ourselves? Does it mean we've changed so much we can't even recognize ourselves and are forced to compare ourselves to the fragments we used to be? Or is it simply a sign of maturity, stepping in and allowing us to observe things from a different perspective? Whatever it is, I know I've changed, even just from this time last year. The things that were once at the centre of my universe have been sucked into blackholes. Will they ever come back? No one knows the nature of blackholes, so I guess only time knows. How ironic that what takes and changes, is the only thing that will show you what comes back. The culprit for our evolution of self is the only thing that can also allow us return to what, where and how we used to be. I'll miss these moments, but I know more will come. Does that make my a cynic or a realist? Does accepting these truths take anymore away from what we go through. Knowing that things are not going to last long and will ultimately fade into the dark side of our memories is perhaps both the greatest weapon for survival and the greatest source of sadness humans possess.

welcome to the black parade.

Oh hi. Hi there.

It's bitter:sweet, and so much has yet to be done.
How do I say it?
When is even a good time to say it?
This, too, shall pass. I suppose.
For now though, I'm still here.
And I'll always be there.
Please Don't Forget.

I spend too much time on Wikipedia

beautiful liar.

That's it.
I'm shaving my head.
Maybe not shave shaved, but short to a degree.
And I'm going to max out every dollar I have on clothes that are semi-fashionable.
Screw paying bills and eating. I need a new look.
Plus who really needs to eat? I think I gained like 12 pounds today from it. Ugh.
Hitting up the gym Friday and Saturday morning say wha?

If s-s-sexy never left then why's everyone on my sh-sh-shit?
Don't hate on me just because you didn't come up with it-t-t

jesus freak.

I'm going to rant for a minute here, instead of working on my paper which is due tomorrow.

The Gideons were handing out Bibles in the student centre today (for the record, they changed the cover from the one they gave out in the 4th grade, it's now yellow). I guess it's been a while since a lot of people touched a Bible, let alone thought about God so there seemed to be quite an upheaval of commotion concerning this. I get it. Some people don't believe, some people choose to believe in different things, but it doesn't matter. Sheesh. These people are taking time out of their day to try and help you for what they deem to be the greater good. They don't know you, yet according to their system of beliefs they want to share God and Jesus with you. But what kind of reaction do they get? Goodness. You'd think that they were telling people to empty out their bank accounts for them. If you're not interested in recieving a free Bible then how hard is it to say "no thank you"? If you're not going to happily accept a gift, then don't do it. Comments like "ah! it's burning in my hand" are needless and completely ignorant. On top of that, taking one when you don't want one and then tearing it up and throwing it out is completely unnecessary. I may be a little biased since I grew up in a religious home and have developed my own ideas and opinion of God (we won't get into organized religion though as I have more than a few beefs with it), but how hard is it to excercise manners in a situation like this? It's like when the Jehovah's witnesses come to your door. You just tell them you're not interested and they leave. When was the last time you heard about someone reluctantly inviting them in and then bashing their heads in with a bat? Honestly, that's the equivalent of being snappy and snarky to the Gideons (or any other volunteer pamphlet-hander-outer for that matter). If you don't want one, then fine, say so. Being rude about it afterwards like someone has asked you to commit crimes against humanity is ludacris.

blackened blue eyes.

I snagged an instrumental version of Nelly Furtado's Say It Right tonight.
It was always my favourite track off Loose, but the more I listen to it, the more I acknowledge that it may be my favourite from her overall, replacing Fresh Off the Boat.
The production to the song is incredible.
The raw bass sound of the synths, the haunting "Hey! You don't mean nothing at all to me" that Timbaland chants in the background, the electric guitar that comes out of nowhere at the very end. I thoroughly approve of the song.
On another musical side note, Hips Don't Lie surpassed a playcount of 250 spins today. Ugh.

Also, I wrote a research paper last week on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. I argued that the social norms and etiquette that were prevalent in the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries are reflected in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, yet at the same time the novel allows us to look at our own society and see how far we’ve advanced and progressed since the days of the original Grimm renditions of Cinderella and other tales. Anyway, today I wrote a critical paper psychoanalyzing Tom Riddle (aka Lord Voldemort) from the books. I should also note that the other month I wrote another critical paper examining Hermoine and her role in feminsim. I should just major in Harry Potter, really. Anyway, below you'll find my psychoanalysis of Voldemort. It's been passed in already but any additional feedback would be swell.


J.K. Rowling developed a world where many children and adults alike escape into; forgetting about their own lives, and choosing instead to live in the magical world she invented. One of the primary characters in the best-selling series, and the main instigator of all things evil that occur in Harry's world of magic, is Tom Riddle, otherwise known as Lord Voldemort. Voldemort is an interesting character as he is the axis of evil within Harry's universe and is malicious to a tee. Growing up without any kind of family, Tom Riddle transformed himself into one of the most instantly recognizable and feared wizards in both literature and the magical world J.K. has created. Yet, Voldemort's desires of domination and life-long journey into immortality represent the repressed desires and mental anguish brought on by the onset and absence of said family.

Throughout the course of the book series, details of Voldemort's life are revealed and it is made known to the reader that his only remaining relative, his mother, passed away shortly after giving birth. Growing up without any sort of parental figures in his life, Tom appears to have become "stuck" or fixated in the oral stage of Freud's theories. This oral stage is described as being one where a person is "forever wanting to suck, to consume, to take in, endlessly hungry and needy" (A Glossary of Freudian Terms, Craig Chalquist). Freud described the oral character as being the first of the psychosexual development phases, from birth to roughly 8 months. Freud further states that family conflict can cause a person to become fixated with a certain stage; it is therefore appropriate that Tom Riddle be stuck at this stage since from birth onward he has not known any family. Tom Riddle is clearly seen as a character of greed, and constantly wanting to consume and take-in as evidenced by his desire to draw people to him, constantly seeking power and minions to do his bidding as demonstrated by his use of, and creation of, the Death Eaters. He is shown as being an individual who desires power and control above all else, relentlessly seeking these things and exerting his power and influence over people.

Furthermore, Tom Riddle, having experienced the death of his mother at the earliest stage of life, is shown as having thanatophobia. According to Freud and his students, Thanatos is a state in which one subconsciously wants to return to a lifeless form. Tom Riddle having been exposed to death at a crucial stage in his life has a deep-rooted fear of dieing because of this. He goes so far as to make himself immortal through the use of Horcruxes and other magical elements such as the Elixir of Life and the Philosopher’s Stone in order to prevent facing his own death. Voldemort further fears death above all things, and in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, it is revealed that Voldemort considers death to be the worst form of punishment, further implying his deep fear and hatred for mortality, a possible consequence of having his own mother die.

Tom Riddle is an interesting character as he serves as the central diabolical figure in the series. He is both feared and hated, yet looking below the surface of Tom’s own powers and desires, it becomes evident that he is merely the result of the direct loss of his mother at an early age. His hatred, greed and quest for immortality are a result of him acting out his subconscious desires and fears.

lovers who uncover.

I updated my Livejournal today, so I figured I would copy and paste it into my blog, for your convenience.

"Hello people of the internets! It's been some time since I last conveyed any kind of public message and/or statement via Livejournal to you all. My apologies.

Since we last left off on the saga and poorly scripted event known as my life, things weren't looking so good for the main character (aka me). Things have now gotten progressively better. Hoorah! That's a good thing since I don't think my journal could have taken any more emo posts.

I'm still working at Resolve, which is still the worst place on Earth, but I'm surviving and dealing I suppose. I'm still at the library as well. It's a little on the slow and boring, but I make it through. I also managed to get everything the government owed to me. On top of that, they threw in a grant for $1000 in an effort to say sorry for screwing everything up as only the government can. That was nice of them. Anyway, school is also going phenomenally better this semester than last. Although I don't think I had much of a choice, since I don't think I could have sunk even lower on the ladder of academic standing without getting kicked out of UPEI. And who authentically gets kicked out of UPEI? Seriously. They'll take almost anyone. Getting kicked out would not have bode well for the confidence, I'll tell you that much.

Aside from that I've been hanging out, chilling out, and enjoying my time on the Island. I was going to be a hermit this semester and not do anything except work and school, but I decided spending time with friends did equate some level of importance in my life. Why you ask? Well, in case you didn't know (and very few do), I'm going out West. On the 30 of April the fam is coming over, and then over the course of the following few days we'll be chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool, perhaps even shoot some b-ball outside a school. Then we're driving across the country. Driving some twenty-three million miles in a confined space with my family. Can someone volunteer right now to either post bail for me, or at least attend my funeral? Oi Vey."

girlfriend.

In the one week after buying Avril Lavigne's new single Girlfriend, I've listened to it 63 times.
New obsession say wha?
Easy hattah's, I like the girl, regardless of how "poorly" it reflects on my musical taste.

crystal ball.

At this moment, in this instant, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Who knew a little piece of paper could be worth so much in terms of relief?

On a side note, why does no one use my shoutbox? It's so lonely. People should use it lest it becomes an emo shoutbox.

glamorous.

Now that I've given Facebook up for Lent I have all this free time on my hands.
I suppose I should put that extra time into my research paper.
When I'm bored and have nothing else to do (aka tomorrow), I'll update this with everything I promised I would.
Plus, I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog and creating a new URL for it. I'm tired of reneortiz.blogspot.com as it doesn't do much for privacy, plus "soul meets body" is getting tiring to look at. Any suggestions?



If you ain't got no money, take yo broke ass home

light pollution.

we pick our battles but don't pick well
we run ourselves to death
we're nowhere yet,

if you were a friend
you'd let them know that
we just couldn't stand
to stay here anymore

it's not the end
so please don't feel like
you need to pretend
you don't want us to go

sell all your things
we just won't need them
whatever we bring
will only weigh us down

if you're a friend
you'll tell them all that
we just couldn't stand
to stay here in this town
anymore

-Dirty on Purpose


Plastic flowers never fade,
We all turn to gray

we didn't start the fire.

This is more of a "be right back/coming soon" banner.
I don't really have time to update at the very moment, but I will soon.
So coming to a blog near you...

-An indepth update of my life
-An entire post dedicated to my views on the recent Britney decision/erratic behaviour.
-A vague/cryptic/semi-emo post.

So, stay tuned!

But on a side note, my good friend Nick has gone and updated his blog (gasp!). I know. I was stunned too. This is the new link for all your internet creepers and lurkers:

http://www.commontone.net/

take me anywhere.

Just like Chumbawumba, when I get knocked down, I get up again.
I just hope I continue to go up.
Things are looking really swell right now.
Huzzah!

I should also point out that it's the 14th of February.
This is an important date.
I (along with the fam. - obv) have been in Canada for 16 years.
Sweet sixteen.
Holler atcha.

love like winter.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
It completely slipped my mind to mention this earlier.
Last Thursday morning a car burst into flames on campus.
Good times at UPEI.

say it right.

You know, if someone were to go out of there way and buy me these pair
of shoes in the White/Cool Grey/Classic Green colour scheme, as well as these pair of shoes in either the Rive/Yellow or Calcaire/Pumpkin colour scheme, I would definitely not object. Seriously. I wouldn't. Honest.

hipster girl.

So "Random Acts: Love and Violence - a night of One Acts" is over.
I'm now completely theatre-free and plan to stay like that for a while.
It went really well though. Aside from a few hiccups along the way, it was a resonding success.

Oh my. February is going to be quite a month. I hope I make it out alive.

As a side note, baba ganoush, pita bread and carrots have overtaken oreos as my favourite snack food.

under pressure.

Oi vey.


sigh

boston.

Dear Blog,

I'm not neglecting you. I promise. I just have nothing to update with. I haven't heard from the Government yet. The night of One Act's are... well, we won't get into that one. I've been busy with school. I still have work issues, but what else is new? Hehe. As you can tell, I don't lead a terribly exciting life, so I do hope you can forgive me for not updating you.

Sincerely,
Rene



You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

the body says no.

It's so cold. It's absolutely ridiculous.
We're bording on -40°C with the windchill.
I was walking across campus and I thought the skin on my face was changing biological compounds when the wind hit me. It was so cold.

I saw a banana peel on the ground. When I went to kick it the banana peel shattered into about 7 different pieces.
That's not natural.

show me what you got.

Hmmm. Some storm this is turning into...

There's nothing! Nothing! I was hoping for a storm day tomorrow but no dice...

streamline.

So I bought the song "Streamline" from iTunes today and ever since I got home from rehearsal I've been listening to it nonstop. Constant repeat. For those of you who don't recognize the name, it's the song in the Jimmy Fallon Pepsi commercial. I wish I had his mad dance skillz. Hahaha.

Speaking of commercials... I was in a PSA the other day. It was for anti-smoking. I had to play a creepy guy who gives this girl a ride home because her friends stop talking to her because she's become all about the ciggies. First I'm the friend of the date rapist and then I'm the creepy guy, I can sense myself being type cast as we speak.

i turn my camera on.

And there went my health - the last thread I was holding on to.

I feel like my stomach is going to bitch slap me any second.
Not to mention I also have a cold on top of the stomach pains from hell.

Oh well, at least I still have MWSF.

rosanna.

So, 2007 was supposed to be a year with some kind of promise. Hmmm. So much for that.

So, in order, I have:

1. Lost my place to live.
2. Lost my job.
3. Lost my mother.
4. Lost another place to live.
5. Almost lost my phone.
6. Lost the car insurance.
8. Lost my integrity and self respect by going back to Resolve.

and now...

8. Lost my student loan.

So I have no student loan. The PEI gov't won't give me the second part, let alone let me appeal it so I can ask for more money. Not only that but the Canadian gov't wants me to give them a large sum of money.

So basically, no money now + no money for school + large amounts of debt = bad news.

I swear, I'm this close to just having some kind of breakdown. My nose is millimetres from the grimy cement I'm staring at, and my whole body is ready to break once I crash into the pavement.

This is not how I wanted 2007 to commence.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!